Nick Marshall: [singing along to music] I'm a bitch, I'm a mother, I'm her brother, It's a charmer as I volumize my hair, I am not aware.
Nick Marshall: No games.
Darcy McGuire: Just sports.
Nick Marshall: [to Darcy] He made you feel the price you pay just for being you is that you don't get to have love.
Alex: My dad? He's always been... like an uncle to me. Yeah, Uncle Dad.
Nick Marshall: Buns of steel... I'd steal her buns if I could.
Nick Marshall: [talking to his reflection in the mirror] You go, girl.
Alex: [walks in on Nick wearing feminine products] What are you doing?
Nick Marshall: Exfoliating.
Nick Marshall: It's never too late to do the right thing. That's what I'll do, I'll go over there and do the right thing.
Lola: [inner thoughts as Lola and Nick start having sex] Okay, lied about the "grande"...
[waxing]
Nick Marshall: Oh... This is nice, I don't understand why women complain about waxing.
Nick Marshall: [impersonating Sean Connery after seeing him in a film] Adversary? Surely you mean *adversary*, old boy?
Alex: Oh please, Mom had this talk with me when I was like, 11.
Nick Marshall: Have you ever done that, taken the wrong road? Of course not, you wouldn't do that, somebody like me does that.
Lola: [inner thoughts after she and Nick have had sex] Ladies and gentlemen, Nick Marshall is a sex god!
Nick Marshall: I realize I haven't been the perfect dad.
Alex Marshall: Understatement of the century.
Nick Marshall: [to Morgan] She thinks you're overpaid... and gay.
Nick Marshall: Women are crazy! Who would want to do that again?
[puts on pantyhose on one leg]
Nick Marshall: One down, two to go. He he.
