I always think about the idea that God never gives you more than you can handle, and just the idea that God would be looking at me and thinking, 'Eh, I think she can handle more.' And the angels thinking, 'What are you doing? You're a lunatic.' And God being like, 'No, no, trust me. She can handle this.'
Not many people have had as much bad luck as I have, but not many people have had as much good luck, either.
I'm not a religious person; I'm not even, like, a spiritual person.
I can't waste more time worrying unless something surfaces that should legitimately cause fear.
The funny response to 'One Mississippi' continues to be that people don't know what is true and what's fiction.
I failed eighth grade twice, and then they moved me up to ninth grade. Then I failed that and dropped out. My teacher would hand me a test, and I'd grade it myself with an F, then put my head down on the desk.
Before I had a double mastectomy, I was already pretty flat-chested, and I made so many jokes over the years about how small my chest was that I started to think that maybe my boobs overheard me... and were just like, 'You know what? We're sick of this. Let's kill her.'
I got my first guitar when I was nine because I wanted to be the fifth Beatle, even though they had already broken up and John Lennon died that year.
One of my favorite songs is 'Ghost' by Indigo Girls. Emily Saliers wrote that, and she is one of the most talented songwriters ever.
I can't help but see things in life through a humorous lens, so anything that comes my way is gonna probably be, you know, bent in that direction.
After 2012, I thought, 'Oh wow, I've lived through this, and now I have a free ride in life.' And I can't believe I really thought that. As soon as I was healed from cancer and everything I was going through, I got back out into life and realized it doesn't work out like that.
I definitely still like writing one-liners, but I also think that I've changed a lot in that I've allowed myself freedom to grow.
I'm not for everyone.
My career has always kind of moved forward and upward. I've never had anything kind of stall out or go in the opposite direction. I've always kind of been moving in the right direction.
I'm not opposed to talking about airline food.
When I was first asked for an autograph, I felt so uncomfortable that I just wrote, 'Tig's Autograph,' and from then on, that's what I write when I sign my name.
I didn't like to stop playing for a second to bother with eating or going to the bathroom. I was a really skinny kid, and I remember my mother always telling people, 'I don't know how she's alive. I think she gets all of her nutrients from air pollution.'
I've toured around the world. I've worked with men, women. I feel like I've been unusually lucky to have supportive friends around me, and I feel tremendously supportive about my peers. I can't wait to brag about how funny my friends are.
Stand-up is very broad strokes, kind of a skeleton of a story or something.
People write me every day. It feels like this cycle that keeps giving, because as far along as I get in my happiness and success, hearing other people's stories is a constant reminder of where I came from, where people are, and how much help everybody still needs.
