Three Kings
Three Kings

Archie Gates: What's the most important thing in life?
Troy Barlow: Respect.
Archie Gates: Too dependent on other people.
Conrad Vig: What, love?
Archie Gates: A little Disneyland, isn't it?
Chief Elgin: God's will.
Archie Gates: Close.


Troy Barlow: What is it then?
Archie Gates: Necessity.
Troy Barlow: As in?
Archie Gates: As in people do what is most necessary to them at any given moment.

Three Kings
Three Kings

Archie Gates: You're scared, right?
Conrad Vig: Maybe.
Archie Gates: The way it works is, you do the thing you're scared shitless of, and you get the courage AFTER you do it, not before you do it.
Conrad Vig: That's a dumbass way to work. It should be the other way around.
Archie Gates:

I know. That's the way it works.

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Three Kings

[Conrad retrieved a map from an Iraqi's soldier's butt]
Sgt. Troy Barlow: Conrad, you've washed your hands like ten times.
Conrad Vig: Lord knows what kind of vermin live in the butt of a dune coon.
Chief Elgin: Why do you let this cracker hang around with you, man?
Sgt. Troy Barlow: He's all right,

man. He's from a group home in Dallas. He's got no high school.
Conrad Vig: Don't tell people that.
Chief Elgin: I don't care if he's from Johannesburg. I don't want to hear "dune coon" or "sand nigger" from him or anybody else.
Conrad Vig: Captain uses those terms.
Sgt. Troy Barlow: That's not the

point, Conrad. The point is that "towelhead" and "camel jockey" are perfectly good substitutes.
Chief Elgin: Exactly!

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Three Kings

Archie Gates: Sit down. What do you see here?
Chief Elgin: Bunkers, sir.
Archie Gates: What's in them?
Troy Barlow: Stuff they stole from Kuwait.
Archie Gates: Bullshit. I'm talking about millions in Kuwaiti bullion.
Conrad Vig: You mean them little cubes you put

in hot water to make soup?
Archie Gates: No, not the little cubes you put in hot water to make soup.

Three Kings
Three Kings

Archie Gates: Bush told the people to rise up against Saddam. They thought they'd have our support. They don't. Now they're getting slaughtered.

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Three Kings

Archie Gates: No unnecessary shots, Conrad, 'cause we know what they do.
Conrad Vig: Make infected pockets full of bile, sir.
Archie Gates: That's right, Conrad, that's what they do.

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Three Kings

Capt. Said: What is the problem with Michael Jackson?

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Three Kings

Capt. Said: What make you decide to tell me about Crystal, my main man?
Sgt. Troy Barlow: Because we're both fathers.
Capt. Said: I'm not father no more, you remember? My son is dead now. Can you think how would feel inside your heart if I bombed your daughter?
Sgt. Troy Barlow: Worse than death.

Capt. Said: That's right. Worse than death.

Three Kings
Three Kings

[first lines]
Troy Barlow: Are we shooting?
Soldier: What?
Troy Barlow: Are we shootin' people or what?
Soldier: Are we shooting?
Troy Barlow: That's what I'm asking you!
Soldier: What's the answer?
Troy Barlow: I don't know the answer! That's what I'm trying to find out!

Three Kings
Three Kings

Archie Gates: Any questions?
Conrad Vig: Yeah, is it true to be special forces, you gotta cut off an enemy's ear?
Archie Gates: [to Troy Barlow] Are you able to control him?
Troy Barlow: Yes, sir. He'll be fine, I promise.

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Three Kings

[Walter's wearing night-vision goggles in broad daylight]
Troy Barlow: Hey, would you take those fucking things off?
Walter: I never got to use night-vision.
Troy Barlow: They do not work during the day!
Walter: Yeah, they kinda work.

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Three Kings

[after seeing that Chief can't throw a football straight]
Conrad Vig: Blacks make better receivers than quarterbacks.
Troy Barlow: Stop speaking right now, Conrad!

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Three Kings

Cathy: Oh look at you Adriana, look at what's become of you.
Adriana Cruz: Yeah look at me, I've got my clothes on - I'm dressed!

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Three Kings

Adriana Cruz: Are you ready to work with me now?
Archie Gates: Yeah, I'm ready to work with you.
Adriana Cruz: Good, 'cause I've got an amazing lead.
Archie Gates: It was in the guy's ass.
Camp soldier: That's not the real story.
Adriana Cruz: What's the real story?
Camp

soldier: It was in the guy's dick, they had to pull it out with a pair of tweezers.
Adriana Cruz: A ten-page atlas of Saddam's bunkers?
Camp soldier: Yeah, only real small, like those books you get in a box of Cracker Jacks.

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Three Kings

Conrad Vig: We three kings be stealin' the gold...

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Three Kings

Troy Barlow: Let's just stick to the plan. The plan is for the gold, right?
Chief Elgin: Hold on, we can help these people first, and then we can be on our way.

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Three Kings

Troy Barlow: Hey, I don't know if I can do this. I got a family. If I'm gonna shit in a bag for the rest of my life because I got shot after the war was over, that would be pretty fucking stupid wouldn't it, Major?

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Three Kings

Amir Abdullah: You know what I think? You're stealing gold, that's what I think. We're fighting Saddam and dying, and you're stealing gold.
Archie Gates: You're wrong.
Amir Abdullah: They have half a million men in the desert and they send four guys to pick up all this bullion? I don't think so.

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Three Kings

Archie Gates: You know you're on the path to truth when you smell shit, isn't that what they say?

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Three Kings

Archie Gates: Load the people into the Humvee!
Troy Barlow: There's no room!
Archie Gates: Make room!
Troy Barlow: Whatever happened to necessity?
Archie Gates: It just changed!