This Is Spinal Tap Quotes

Derek Smalls: [on the phone to his solicitor] Isn't there a law against this sort of thing? Surely you can't just buy a full page ad in the music papers and publish your divorce demands.
[pause]
Derek Smalls: What do you mean 'I paid for it'?
[pause]
Derek Smalls: Joint account! Fuck! Can't we just have her killed? You

know people.

Marty DiBergi: You two were at school together?
Nigel Tufnel: We're not university material.
David St. Hubbins: What's that on your finger?
Nigel Tufnel: It's my gum.
David St. Hubbins: What are you doing with it on your finger?
Nigel Tufnel: I might need it

later.
David St. Hubbins: Put it on the table, that's terrible.
Nigel Tufnel: No, I might forget it on the table.
David St. Hubbins: [to Marty] Fucking awful, you can't take him anywhere.

Jeanine Pettibone: [following the disastrous Stonehenge performance] If it got solved, that would be alright, but it doesn't get solved. I mean what do you think happened out there? What got solved tonight?
Ian Faith: For one thing that goes wrong... one... one single thing that goes wrong, a hundred things go right. Do you know what I spend my time doing?

I sleep two or three hours a night. There's no sex and drugs for Ian, David. Do you know what I do? I find lost luggage. I locate mandolin strings in the middle of Austin!

David St. Hubbins: [to the Janitor] We're in the group. We're in the group that's playing tonight.
Janitor: You go right straight through this door here, down the hall...
David St. Hubbins: Yeah.
Janitor: turn right...
David St. Hubbins: Yeah.
Janitor: and then

there's a little jog there, about thirty feet.
Derek Smalls: A jog?
Janitor: jog to the left...
David St. Hubbins: A jog?
Derek Smalls: We don't have time for that.
Janitor: go straight ahead...
David St. Hubbins: We trust you. We trust you.

Janitor: go straight ahead, go straight ahead, turn right the next two corners, and the first door the sign "Authorized Personnel Only"...
David St. Hubbins: Yeah.
Janitor: Open that door, that's the stage!
David St. Hubbins: You think so?
Janitor: You're authorized. You're musicians

aren't you?
David St. Hubbins: We've got guitars yeah.

[at the pre-tour party one of the waiters is on his way back to the kitchen with an entire tray of food]
Morty the Mime: Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah. How come you got so much here?
Mime Waiter: I don't know, they're not eating it.
Morty the Mime: Did you do the wind?
Mime Waiter: I did the wind, I

did the wind.
Morty the Mime: No, you don't push the wind away, the wind comes at you. Ok change those, get the little dwarf canolies. Come on, don't talk back, mime is money, come on, move it.

[at the pre-tour party, the waiters are mime artists]
Marty DiBergi: It's such an interesting concept, mixing mime and food.
Morty the Mime: It's a kick isn't it? Well, I used to be an actor but I could never remember my lines, so I thought "just shut up", you know? Don't say nothing. And my father used to say the same thing to me every dinner time,

he used to say to me "shut up and eat", so that's what we do and that's the name of the company "shut up and eat".

Tommy Pischedda: Excuse me... are you reading "Yes I Can"?
Limo Groupie: Yeah, have you read it?
Tommy Pischedda: Yeah, by Sammy Davis, Jr.?
Limo Groupie: Yeah.
Tommy Pischedda: You know what the title of that book should be? "Yes, I Can If Frank Sinatra Says It's OK". 'Cause Frank

calls the shots for all of those guys. Did you get to the part yet where uh... Sammy is coming out of the Copa... it's about 3 o'clock in the morning and, uh, he sees Frank? Frank's walking down Broadway by himself...
[Nigel raises the limo partition]
Tommy Pischedda: Fuckin' limeys.
Marty DiBergi: Well, you know, they're not, uh, used to that

world.
Tommy Pischedda: Yeah, yeah.
Marty DiBergi: You know, Frank Sinatra, it's a different world that they're in.
Tommy Pischedda: You know, it's just that people like this... you know... they get all they want so they really don't understand, you know... about a life like Frank's. I mean, when you've loved and lost the way

Frank has, then you, uh, you know what life's about.

Terry Ladd: Yeah, listen, we'd love to stand around and chat, but we've gotta... sit down in the lobby and wait for the limo.
Derek Smalls: Ok.
David St. Hubbins: OK. Great. Duke, great to see you. Great to see you again Terry.
Derek Smalls: We'll catch up with you on the road.
Duke

Fame: Cheers.
David St. Hubbins: Duke! Great to see you. See ya. See you, Duke. Good days. Good days!
[as soon as they are out of earshot]
David St. Hubbins: Fuckin' wanker.
Nigel Tufnel: What a wanker.
David St. Hubbins: What a wanker.
Derek Smalls: Total no

talent sod.