The Mask Quotes

[after being shot]
Mask: Hold me closer, Ed, it's getting dark.
[cough, cough]
Mask: Tell Auntie Em to let Old Yeller out.
[cough cough]
Mask: Tell Tiny Tim I won't be coming home this Christmas
[cough, cough]
Mask: Tell Scarlett I do give a damn.
[coughs in Orlando's face,

raspberries, then farts]
Mask: Pardon me.
[he dies, the Peanut Gallery appears and applauds while The Mask is handed an acting award]
Mask: Thank you, you love me, you really love me!

Doyle: Really big sunglasses.
Park Policeman: Bike horn.
Doyle: Small mouth bass
Park Policeman: Bowling Pin
Doyle: [Yells in pain] Mouse Trap.
Park Policeman: Rubber Chicken.
Mask: A little to the left... that's it.

Doyle: [squeezes a stress releaver toy a few times] mmmm, I don't know. Funny eyeball glasses?
Mask: I've never seen those before in my life.
Park Policeman: Bazooka?
Mask: I have a permit for that.
Doyle: [going through The Mask's pocket] Picture of Kellaway's wife.

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: What?
Mask: Uh-oh.
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Margaret!
Mask: Geez I thought you would have a sense of humor. After all - you married her!
[slaps both Kellaway and Doyle in the face repeatedly]
Mask: That's gotta hurt.
Lieutenant Mitch

Kellaway: Get'em!
[looks down to see his and Doyles wristes are handcuffed to eachother]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Doyle!

Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Ipkiss! Police! Freeze!
[the Mask freezes in mid-air]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: Put your hands up.
The Mask: [his teeth are frozen together] But you told me to freeze!
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: All right, all right. Un-freeze.
[the Mask un-freezes and falls to the

ground]
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: You're under arrest.
[pulls out his cuffs]
The Mask: No! It wasn't me! It was the One-Armed Man!
[regular voice]
The Mask: All right, I confess! I did it, ya hear? And I'm glad! GLAD, I TELL YA!
[gets down on his knees and puts his hands up together]
The

Mask: What are they gonna do to me, Sarge? WHAT ARE THEY GONNA DO?
Lieutenant Mitch Kellaway: [puts the cuffs on The Mask's wrists] Sorry, son. That's not my department. Search him.
The Mask: [the cops bring The Mask to his feet] Ow! Where's a cam-corder when you need one?
[snorts in laughter, Kellaway nods as if to say "touché"]

Dorian Tyrell: Okay, Twinkle Toes. I want to know where my money is, and I want to know right now.
The Mask: Okay
[sits on stool and takes out an adding machine]
The Mask: You've got 17.5% in T-bills amortized over the fiscal year, 8% in stocks and bonds. Carry the 9, divide by the Gross National Product... fortunately,

funeral bouquets are deductible.
Dorian Tyrell: [to henchman] Ice this deadbeat!

Stanley Ipkiss: [last lines; on a bridge with Tina, holding the mask in his hand] You sure you're not gonna miss this guy? Once he's gone, all that's left is me.
[Without a word, Tina takes it from him and throws it into the water, then grabs and kisses him. Meanwhile, Charlie, watching them, gets out of the car and rushes over to the edge of the bridge to look for the

mask. It's floating in the water, so he climbs over the railing and jumps in...]
Charlie Schumacher: [seeing Milo swimming off with the mask] MILO!
[Meanwhile...]
Stanley Ipkiss: [a wide grin on his face] SSSMOKIN'!
[Before the freeze, Stanley grabs Tina and kisses her...]

Mr. Dickey: Ipkiss, we have a crisis on our hands here and you stroll in over an hour late? If I have to put up with your slovenly behavior...
Stanley Ipkiss: BACK OFF, Monkey Boy, before I tell your daddy you're running this place like it's your own personal piggy bank. Or maybe we should call the IRS, and see if we can arrange a little vacation for you at

Club FED!
Mr. Dickey: [shocked from being told off by his employee] That'll be all, Ipkiss.

Mrs. Peenman: Ipkiss, do you have any idea what time it is?
Stanley Ipkiss: Actually, no.
Mrs. Peenman: [spots his wet feet on her carpet] My new carpet! Well, this is coming right out of your security deposit, Ipkiss!
Stanley Ipkiss: You know, Mrs. Peenman...
Mrs. Peenman: What?

Stanley Ipkiss: [dejectedly] Nothing.
Mrs. Peenman: Well, that's what you are, Ipkiss, a big nothing!
Stanley Ipkiss: [after Mrs. Peenman slams her door] Aren't you due back at the lab to have your bolts tightened?