The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou Quotes

Anne-Marie Sakowitz: Do you know that you just charted us on a course through unprotected waters?
Steve Zissou: Yeah, we're taking the shortcut.
Anne-Marie Sakowitz: But it's outside I.M.U. jurisdiction. There isn't any protection.
Steve Zissou: I know, honey. Look at the map. We go your way, that's about four

inches. We go my way, it's an inch and a half. You wanna pay for the extra gas?

Steve Zissou: We're in the middle of a lightning strike rescue op, Klaus. What's the deal?
Klaus Daimler: I'm sick of being on "B" squad.
Steve Zissou: You might be on "B" Squad, But you're the "B" Squad leader. Don't you know me and Esteban always thought of you as our baby brother?
Klaus Daimler: I've always

thought of you two as my dads. Please don't let any one make fun of me for saying so.
Steve Zissou: I can't guarantee that, Klausie, but I'll try. Can we get on with the maneuvers now?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: May I turn this on?
Steve Zissou: [bites into an apple] Fire one.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: [Jane begins recording the interview] So what happened, in your opinion?
Steve Zissou: [swallows the bite] ... what're you talking about?
Jane Winslett-Richardson: Well,

don't you think the public perception of your work has significantly altered in the last five years?
Steve Zissou: - That's your first question? I thought this was supposed to be a puff piece.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: ...should we come back to it?
Steve Zissou: ...yeah.
Jane Winslett-Richardson:

Okay... Is it true that this is going to be your last voyage?
Steve Zissou: Wow... no comment. Who told you that? No, goddamnit, I'm... only 52. How-how 'bout we start out with some stock dialogue? Favorite color, blue? Favorite food, sardines?
Jane Winslett-Richardson: How do you feel about part one of your new film?
Steve

Zissou: Why? How do you feel about part one of my new film?
Jane Winslett-Richardson: Well, I'm honest. You know, so...
Steve Zissou: - Just say it!
Jane Winslett-Richardson: I thought aspects of it seemed slightly fake.
Steve Zissou: [pauses, obviously enraged] ... Wolodarsky?...

Vladimir Wolodarsky: [getting up to leave, gathering the cat] ... I'll take five, Steve.
Steve Zissou: ...how 'bout taking five?
[the door closes]
Steve Zissou: ... did it seem fake... when my best friend was bitten in half right in front of me? And eaten alive, screaming? I think you're a fake. I think you're a phony. And a

bad reporter. How does that feel? And tell me something -
[Steve pulls out a glock and points it at her, cocking it]
Steve Zissou: Does this seem fake?
[He replaces the glock]
Jane Winslett-Richardson: ...how dare you! This entire article was my idea, no one else gives a shit!
Steve Zissou: What about Sy Perlman?

Jane Winslett-Richardson: [scoffs, and turns off the recorder] Are you joking? He's not even covering my expenses!
Steve Zissou: [pauses for a moment, realizing] You're taking something out on me.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: [turns off the recorder again, turns away and cries]
Steve Zissou: Wh? Stop

crying, what's the deal here? I was only trying to defend myself.
Jane Winslett-Richardson: Well, you did a great job! I'm sure you'll make a terrific father.

Ned Plimpton: I'm gonna fight you, Steve.
[Steve hits Ned in the face]
Steve Zissou: You never say, "I'm gonna fight you, Steve." You just smile and act natural, and then you sucker-punch him.
Ned Plimpton: You fight your way, and I'll fight mine.
Steve Zissou: Oh, listen, Ned. Don't you try to...

[Ned hits Steve in the face]
Steve Zissou: I think your Team Zissou ring might've caught me on the lip.

Oseary Drakoulias: The wire transfer came straight through from Kentucky, and the bank has agreed to gap-finance the rest. But there are a few hooks on it, so take a pew for a spell. Number One, the bank want a drug screen for everybody on the boat, before they'll forward the money.
Steve Zissou: A piss test?
Oseary Drakoulias: Yes,

a piss test. Two, a stooge from the bond company will be riding along during the whole shoot, to keep you on budget.
Steve Zissou: Who's the stooge?
Oseary Drakoulias: A chap by the name of Bill Ubell, and there's not a damn thing you can do about that, Steve. Three, you must swear - legally swear - that you will not kill that shark, or whatever it

is, if it actually exists.
Steve Zissou: I'm going to fight it, but I'll let it live. What about my dynamite?
Oseary Drakoulias: [to assistant] Phillip, dynamite.

Steve Zissou: I hope you're not gonna bust our chops on this on, Bill.
Bill Ubell: Why would I do that?
Steve Zissou: Because you're a bond company stooge.
Bill Ubell: [scoffs] I'm also a human being.
Steve Zissou: All right, I take that back. How about a little teamsmanship?
[he

holds out his hand flat. Bill and Ned put theirs on top of his]
Steve Zissou, Bill Ubell, Ned Plimpton: Ho!