The Holiday Quotes

Iris: [Iris answers telephone] Hello?
Graham: So are you ever coming home?
Iris: Oh, my God, hi.
Graham: How's it going?
Iris: Great. I met a really nice guy.
Graham: See? And you said you'd never. What's he like?
Iris: He's really cute. I

feel great when I'm with him, which is an entirely new experience. And he's about ninety years old.
Graham: Come on.
Iris: He's my next-door neighbor. Or Amanda's next-door neighbor. By the way you should pop over and meet her.
Graham: Yeah, I have, actually.
Iris: [Call waiting beeps] Oh, bugger. Call

waiting. Can you hold for a sec? Hold on. I really wanna talk to you.
Graham: Sure.
Iris: [Iris switches to other call] Hello?
Amanda: Iris, hi, it's Amanda.
Iris: How are you? How's it going?
Amanda: Everything's great. How are you?
Iris: Oh, I'm loving

it. Listen, can you hold for a sec? My brother's on the other line.
Amanda: Graham?
Iris: Yes. He said you met.
Amanda: Yes, we did meet. How is he?
Iris: Fine, I think. Can you just hold on for a sec?
Amanda: Sure.
Iris: [Iris switches calls] Okay. Hi,

sorry. That was Amanda.
Graham: How'd she sound? How's she doing?
Iris: She just asked me how you are.

Amanda: I need to get out of town. You know, I think I need some peace and quiet... or whatever it is people go away for. You know what I really want to do? I want to eat carbs without wanting to kill myself. You know, I want to read a book! Not just a magazine, an actual book. For years I read this reviews, I buy the books but I never read them. Did you read that article in the

New York Times last Sunday? Severe stress makes women age prematurely because stress causes the DNA in our cells to shrink until they can no longer replicate. So when we're stressed we look haggard. This is just women not men.
Ben: Sorry.
Amanda: And remember when they used to say that single women over the age of 35 were more likely to get killed by

a terrorist than to get married? Okay, that was horrible but now our generation is also not getting married and, bonus!, real terrorists actually became part of our lives. So the stress of it all shows up on our faces making us look haggard!

Miles: [reaching across Iris to grab something on counter] Okay, sorry about that.
[pregnant pause]
Miles: Boob graze.
[Iris briefly surprised, then burst into merry laughter, with Miles joining in with a chuckle]
Miles: That was accidental.
[gazing around with sheepish smile]
Miles:

Accidental boob graze. I'm sorry.
Iris: Change of subject.
[trying to restrain laughter]
Miles: Okay.

[after Amanda slams the door in his face]
Ethan: You didn't really wanna be a couple! You resist it in your own way.
Amanda: [growling through her teeth; as she runs upstairs] *Shut UP!*
Ethan: And it's hard to detect how you even do it, because nobody's quite as smart as you! So you're hard to catch at it. But it always

surfaces and this is what happens.
Amanda: [on the balcony; looking down at him] What happened?
Ethan: Things end. Just like you knew they would!