The Faculty
The Faculty

Stan: It must really blow being you.
Casey: You have no idea.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Stokely: Body Snatchers is a story somebody made up, dingus. It's located in the fiction section of the library.
Casey: Yeah, so is Schindler's List.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Zeke: [to Stan] No pain Stan? If you come in here I'll show you some fucking pain!

The Faculty
The Faculty

Casey: Everyone's been acting really weird, especially the faculty.
Stokely: Tell me about it, it's like they've all turned into fucking pod people or something.
Casey: Into what people?
Stokely: Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Small town gets taken over by aliens... That was a joke.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Miss Burke: Zeke, you cannot conduct personal business on school property.
[Zeke sits down on his car]
Zeke: Well, Miss Burke, we have a problem because I'm sitting on my car and that's my property.
Miss Burke: Well I've had complaints from several students that you've sold them mind-altering substances. Now do you wanna talk

to me about it, or take it up with Principal Drake?
Zeke: You're too tense, Miss Burke. But I've got just the thing for ya.
Miss Burke: You know, Zeke, I am the authority figure here, it's time you realized that.
Zeke: Helps relief from blockage caused by dietary stress: Chocolate flavored laxatives.
Miss

Burke: You know Zeke, if you applied just 5 percent of that intellect to your studies...
Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh?
Miss Burke: ...you could've made up your finals last summer and you wouldn't have had to repeat your senior year.
Zeke: Not a chocolate lover, huh? How about this: Condoms. Magnum Sized. And

they're cherry flavored. C'mon... they're on me.
Miss Burke: That's so rude.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Casey: If you were going to take over the world, would you blow up the White House 'Independence Day' style, or sneak in through the back door?

The Faculty
The Faculty

Marybeth: I'm pretty alien myself today.

The Faculty
The Faculty

[Stan wants to quit football to study]
Delilah: You're not good at studying Stan, you're good at football. You should stick to what you're good at.
Stan: Yeah, I've always been good at football, and basketball, and every other sport I've tried. I think maybe it's time I should try something I'm not so good at, something different.

Delilah: And what am I supposed to do while you're on a yellow book quest for a brain?
Stan: What?
Delilah: The accepted social order is that head cheerleaders date star quarterbacks, not academic wannabees.
Stan: Don't be so superficial...
Delilah: Superficial... four syllables, that's

really good Stan, you're on your way. Let me know how the cure for cancer goes.
Stan: I was hoping you'd be with me on this...

The Faculty
The Faculty

Delilah: [to Casey] You're that geeky Stephen King kid - there's one of you in every school.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Zeke: Now, you, Delilah.
Delilah: No. Her first.
Marybeth: I'm allergic.
Delilah: Yeah, and I'm Portuguese. Who cares?

The Faculty
The Faculty

Stokely: You know, you were right about me. I don't have any friends and I like it that way. Being lesbian is just my security.
Marybeth: Security against what?
Stokely: People like you.
Marybeth: Complex!

The Faculty
The Faculty

Delilah: Your fanclub is here.
Casey: Network or local?
Delilah: Both.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Stan: [to Delilah] I'm not an alien, I'm discontent.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Delilah: Don't you just love how Stokely accessorize with different shades of black?
Stokely: Fuck you gutter-slut.
Delilah: I don't know why you keep being such a bad example for your people.
Marybeth: What people?
Delilah: I hope you're not a violent lesbian like your new found

friend, here?
Marybeth: No, I'm not aware of any lesbianism in my lineage.
Delilah: That's too bad Stokely, guess you have to keep looking for Ms Right.
Stokely: Bipolar bitch.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Zeke: [to Marybeth] So, if anyone finds us in here, just grab a hold of me and pretend we're making out. The punishment is less severe.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Stokely: I always thought the only alien in this high school was me.

The Faculty
The Faculty

Stan: Mrs Brummel, what the FUCK!

The Faculty
The Faculty

Casey: I say we go for the coach. He turned Stan. He's the one. Or do you want to wait for them to come to us?
Marybeth: Either way we're completely unarmed.
Zeke: Maybe not. I might have some more skat. In my trunk.
Casey: In your trunk? In your car? Amongst the aliens? Oh, that's convenient.

Zeke: [Holds up his car keys] You got a better idea?

The Faculty
The Faculty

Stan: Aliens have taken over the fucking school!

The Faculty
The Faculty

Stokely: [to Casey] You know, Casey, I think you've been racked into the flagpole one too many times.