General Aladeen: Hey let's go, I don't want to miss the finale of the Real Housewives Of Jahalavakalinda!
Zoey: This is my store. This is a free earth collective. We are a vegan, feminist, non-profit cooperative operating within an anti-racist, anti-oppressive framework for people of all or no genders.
[Aladeen and Nadal are at Gotham Helicopter Tours, preparing to board the helicopter]
Nadal: Here's the plan: We're going to take this helicopter tour and fly over the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses. Remember, we're just two ordinary American tourists looking at the sights.
General Aladeen: [Wearing an American flag jogging suit and a sheriff's
badge] Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect anything. It's a great plan, pointy.
Nadal: Don't do anything to arouse any suspicions.
General Aladeen: Don't worry, I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win four Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself!
General
Aladeen: My performance in 'Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom' was outstanding.
Nadal: I gave it thumbs down.
General Aladeen: Have you seen 'You've Got Mail Bomb'?
Nadal: Yes, I've seen them all! They're all terrible movies! Listen to me, okay? You are a terrible actor. I urge you, right now, keep your performance
small and real.
General Aladeen: All right. Can you get me a cloak?
Nadal: Why?
General Aladeen: Because I think my guy would be wearing a cloak.
Nadal: No. Your guy wears an American flag sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.
General Aladeen: I need the sheriff's badge.
Nadal: For what? You're the sheriff of American douche-town!
General Aladeen: That's rude.
Nadal: Listen: We're going to walk over there, act very inconspicuous.
General Aladeen: Okay, no problem.
Nadal: This has to work.
General Aladeen: Don't worry, just relax.
[Aladeen and Nadal are dispiting the shape of the nuclear missile]
General Aladeen: Have you consulted Professor Bobeye about this?
Nadal: Professor who?
General Aladeen: Bobeye. He is the one whose forearms are very large in proportion to his body.
Nadal: I believe his name is Popeye.
General Aladeen: Bobeye.
Nadal: Popeye. And he is not a professor. He is, as the song says, a sailor man.
Waiter: [General Aladeen has wandered into a restaurant full of Wadiyan ex patriots] Welcome to the Death To Aladeen Restaurant. If you hate General Aladeen and like good food, this is the place for you.
Nadal: If this constitution is signed, there will be free press, women drivers, civil rights!
Aladeen: What are "civil rights"?
Nadal: I'll tell you later. They're hilarious. Look, you alone can stop these terrible things from happening. You are the last great dictator! All of the others are gone! Qaddafi, Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.
Aladeen: You are right, Nadal. I will become the greatest dictator of all, the envy of madmen everywhere!
Nadal: Yes, Supreme Leader!
Aladeen: From the mountaintops of North Korea to the jungles of Zimbabwe, let every child laborer and sweatshop factory worker sing, "Oppressed at last! Oppressed at last! "Thank Aladeen, I am
oppressed at last!"
General Aladeen: I've discovered this amazing thing. I have to show you how to do it. It's called self juicing, You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.
Nadal: I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with an adult
man.
General Aladeen: What do you mean? You knew about this?
Nadal: Everybody knows about this. We all know about this from the age of 12, 13.
General Aladeen: Why does nobody ever tell me anything?
Nadal: Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.