The Dictator
The Dictator

General Aladeen: Hey let's go, I don't want to miss the finale of the Real Housewives Of Jahalavakalinda!

The Dictator
The Dictator

General Aladeen: [Aladeen's body guard just shot himself] See? This is what happens when you set the safety switch to Aladeen instead of to Aladeen!
[shoots again]

The Dictator
The Dictator

Zoey: [yelling at the police] Is it a crime to be proud of your job?
General Aladeen: Actually in Wadiya it's a capital offense.

The Dictator
The Dictator

General Aladeen: From the mountain tops of North Korea to the jungles of Zimbabwe, let every child labourer and sweat shop factory worker sing... Oppressed at last! Oppressed at last! Thank Aladeen, I am oppressed at last!

The Dictator
The Dictator

Zoey: The police here are such fascists!
General Aladeen: Yeah right, and not in a good way.

The Dictator
The Dictator

General Aladeen: [escaping from a CIA torture facility without clothes] Hey average American shopper! If you give me your clothes I will make a sizable donation in your name to Al Qaeda!

The Dictator
The Dictator

Zoey: This is my store. This is a free earth collective. We are a vegan, feminist, non-profit cooperative operating within an anti-racist, anti-oppressive framework for people of all or no genders.

The Dictator
The Dictator

Zoey: [after finding out Allison Burgers is General Aladeen] Oh my god! You lied to me... and you're wanted for war crimes!
General Aladeen: Please. That stuff never sticks.

The Dictator
The Dictator

[Aladeen and Nadal are at Gotham Helicopter Tours, preparing to board the helicopter]
Nadal: Here's the plan: We're going to take this helicopter tour and fly over the Lancaster to spot its weaknesses. Remember, we're just two ordinary American tourists looking at the sights.
General Aladeen: [Wearing an American flag jogging suit and a sheriff's

badge] Don't worry, nobody gonna suspect anything. It's a great plan, pointy.
Nadal: Don't do anything to arouse any suspicions.
General Aladeen: Don't worry, I am Wadiya's number one actor. You don't win four Wadiyan Golden Globes for nothing.
Nadal: Yes you do, because you gave them to yourself!
General

Aladeen: My performance in 'Aladeen Jones and the Temple of Doom' was outstanding.
Nadal: I gave it thumbs down.
General Aladeen: Have you seen 'You've Got Mail Bomb'?
Nadal: Yes, I've seen them all! They're all terrible movies! Listen to me, okay? You are a terrible actor. I urge you, right now, keep your performance

small and real.
General Aladeen: All right. Can you get me a cloak?
Nadal: Why?
General Aladeen: Because I think my guy would be wearing a cloak.
Nadal: No. Your guy wears an American flag sweatsuit and a sheriff's badge.
General Aladeen: I need the sheriff's badge.

Nadal: For what? You're the sheriff of American douche-town!
General Aladeen: That's rude.
Nadal: Listen: We're going to walk over there, act very inconspicuous.
General Aladeen: Okay, no problem.
Nadal: This has to work.
General Aladeen: Don't worry, just relax.


The Dictator
The Dictator

[from trailer]
General Aladeen: Is there any way you could lend me some money? Maybe... 20 million dollars?

The Dictator
The Dictator

[Aladeen and Nadal are dispiting the shape of the nuclear missile]
General Aladeen: Have you consulted Professor Bobeye about this?
Nadal: Professor who?
General Aladeen: Bobeye. He is the one whose forearms are very large in proportion to his body.
Nadal: I believe his name is Popeye.

General Aladeen: Bobeye.
Nadal: Popeye. And he is not a professor. He is, as the song says, a sailor man.

The Dictator
The Dictator

Waiter: [General Aladeen has wandered into a restaurant full of Wadiyan ex patriots] Welcome to the Death To Aladeen Restaurant. If you hate General Aladeen and like good food, this is the place for you.

The Dictator
The Dictator

Zoey: [yelling at the police after Aladeen is arrested] And I know this because I majored in Fem Lit!

The Dictator
The Dictator

Clayton: Okay. So, we gotta get down to business. Enough chit-chat. I'm being paid to kill you... But I'm gonna torture you for free.

The Dictator
The Dictator

General Aladeen: Are you sure you don't want to stay for some cuddles?
Megan Fox: No.
General Aladeen: But, please. I really want someone to cuddle.

The Dictator
The Dictator

Zoey: Thanks. I just... I don't know, I just feel so sorry that wherever you go in the world, you're the victim of police abuse.
Aladeen: Well, not always the victim.

The Dictator
The Dictator

Nadal: If this constitution is signed, there will be free press, women drivers, civil rights!
Aladeen: What are "civil rights"?
Nadal: I'll tell you later. They're hilarious. Look, you alone can stop these terrible things from happening. You are the last great dictator! All of the others are gone! Qaddafi, Saddam, Kim Jong, Cheney.


Aladeen: You are right, Nadal. I will become the greatest dictator of all, the envy of madmen everywhere!
Nadal: Yes, Supreme Leader!
Aladeen: From the mountaintops of North Korea to the jungles of Zimbabwe, let every child laborer and sweatshop factory worker sing, "Oppressed at last! Oppressed at last! "Thank Aladeen, I am

oppressed at last!"

The Dictator
The Dictator

General Aladeen: I've discovered this amazing thing. I have to show you how to do it. It's called self juicing, You put your hand on your bilbul and you rub it, and then you can make your own labeneh come out. You don't have to spend any Rolexes. You don't have to give any dirty diamonds.
Nadal: I cannot believe I'm having this conversation with an adult

man.
General Aladeen: What do you mean? You knew about this?
Nadal: Everybody knows about this. We all know about this from the age of 12, 13.
General Aladeen: Why does nobody ever tell me anything?
Nadal: Because you have everybody executed who tells you anything.