Guy Haines: You crazy maniac! Would you please get out of here and leave me alone?
Bruno Anthony: But Guy... I like you.
[offended, Guy punches Bruno in the face]
Anne Morton: How did you get him to do it?
Guy Haines: I... get him to do it?
Anne Morton: Bruno Anthony. He killed Miriam, didn't he?
[Guy stares at Anne, hesitating to answer]
Anne Morton: Tell me the truth. Didn't he?
Guy Haines: Yes. He's a maniac. I met him a few weeks ago
on the train going to Metcalf. Over some small talk and drinks, he came up with some crazy scheme about exchanging murders. I'd do his murder; he'd do mine.
Anne Morton: What do you mean "your murder" Guy?
Guy Haines: Bruno read about me in the newspapers. He knew all about me and Miriam... and about you. He suggested that if he got rid of Miriam for
me, I should kill his father.
Anne Morton: But you must have known he was only talking nonsense.
Guy Haines: But he wasn't! He really wasn't joking about swapping murders! Of course I didn't give it another thought. And now a lunatic wants me to kill his father.
Anne Morton: It's too fantastic.
Guy
Haines: Yes, isn't it?
Anne Morton: You mean, you've known about Miriam all this time?
Guy Haines: Since the first night. He gave me her glasses and told me what he did.
Anne Morton: Why didn't you call the police? Why didn't you turn Bruno in right away?
Guy Haines: And have them say to me
what you just said? "Mr. Haines, how did you get him to do it? Confess, Mr. Haines! How did you get Bruno Anthony to murder your wife?" Bruno would have told them that we planned it together.
Bruno Anthony: How do you do, sir? I'd like to talk with you sometime, sir, and tell you about my idea for harnessing the life force. It'll make atomic power look like the horse and buggy. I'm already developing my faculty for seeing _millions_ of miles. And Senator: can you imagine being able to smell a flower - on the planet Mars? I'd like to have lunch with you someday soon,
sir. Tell you more about it.
Barbara Morton: Who's the interesting-looking Frenchman with the Darvilles?
Guy Haines: His name's Antony... he's not French.
Bruno Anthony: It must be pretty exciting to be so important.
Guy Haines: A tennis player isn't so important.
Bruno Anthony: Oh, but people who do things are important. Now, me, I - I never seem to do anything.
Bruno Anthony: Sure, I went to college. I got kicked out of three of them. Drinking and gambling. Not like you, huh? All right, so I'm a bum.
Guy Haines: Who said you were?
Bruno Anthony: My father. He *hates* me. With all the money he's got, he thinks that I ought to catch the 8-5 bus every morning, punch a time clock somewhere and
work my way up selling *paint* or something. Now, what do you think of a character like that?
Guy Haines: Well, I think possibly...
Bruno Anthony: Yes. I hate him too.
Miriam Joyce Haines: Hey, are we going to go to the Tunnel of Love?
Miriam's Boyfriend: Tunnel of Love?
Miriam Joyce Haines: Come on!
Guy Haines: I guess I'm a little jittery.
Bruno Anthony: Oh, I know a cure for that. Eh, waiter.
Guy Haines: Yes, sir.
Bruno Anthony: Scotch and plain water please. A pair. Doubles.
[to Bruno]
Bruno Anthony: The only kind of doubles I play.
Guy Haines:
You'll have to drink both of them.
Bruno Anthony: And I can do it.
Bruno Anthony: Have you ever driven a car blindfolded at 150 miles an hour?
Guy Haines: Not lately.
Bruno Anthony: I did. I flew on a jet plane too. Man, that's a thrill! Almost blew the sawdust out of my head. And, I'm going to make a reservation on the first rocket to the moon.
Bruno Anthony: That reminds me of a *wonderful* idea I had once. I used to put myself to sleep at night - figuring it out. Now, let's say that - that you'd like to get rid of your wife.
Guy Haines: That's a morbid thought.
Bruno Anthony: Oh, no, no, no, no. Just suppose. Let's say you had a very good reason.
Guy
Haines: No, let's - let's not say...
Bruno Anthony: No, no! Let's say. Now, you'd be afraid to kill her. You'd get caught. And what would trip you up? The motive. Ah. Now here's my idea.
Guy Haines: I'm afraid I haven't time to listen, Bruno.
Bruno Anthony: Listen, it's so simple, too. Two fellows meet accidentally,
like you and me. No connection between them at all. Never saw each other before. Each one has somebody he'd like to get rid of. So they swap murders.
Guy Haines: Swap murders?
Bruno Anthony: Each fellow does the other fellow's murder. Then there's nothing to connect them. Each one has murdered a total stranger. Like you do my murder and I do yours.
Bruno Anthony: What did you say her name was? Your wife's?
Guy Haines: Miriam.
Bruno Anthony: Miram, that's it. Miriam Joyce Haines. I suppose she - played around a lot, huh?
Guy Haines: Skip it, Bruno. It's kind of painful for a man to discover he's been a chump.
Anne Morton: [on the phone] You sound so savage, Guy.
Guy Haines: Sure I sound savage. I feel savage. I'd like to break her neck! I said I'd like to break her foul, useless little neck!
[train rumbles nearby]
Guy Haines: What's that? I said I could strangle her!
Miriam Joyce Haines: I really should have had a hot dog before I had this.
Miriam's Boyfriend: A hot dog?
Miriam Joyce Haines: It would have satisfied my cravings a little better.
[seductively eating an ice cream cone]
Barbara Morton: I've just been talking to your shadow. Guy, did you know Mr. Hennessy helped crack that axe murder I was reading about? You know, the one where the body was cut up and hidden in the butcher shop? He was locked in the ice box with the left leg for six hours!
Guy Haines: Oh, Babs, he pulls those things out of his hat.