Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Professor Jules Hilbert: No, why did you change the book?
Kay Eiffel: Lots of reasons. I realized I just couldn't do it.
Professor Jules Hilbert: Because he's real?
Kay Eiffel: Because it's a book about a man who doesn't know he's about to die and then dies. But if the man does know he's going to die and dies

anyway, dies willingly, knowing he could stop it, then... I mean, isn't that the type of man you want to keep alive?

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: I brought you flours.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: Ten seconds ago you said you wouldn't help me.
Professor Jules Hilbert: It's been a very revealing ten seconds, Harold.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: [to Ana] This may sound like gibberish to you, but I think I'm in a tragedy.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Penny Escher: And I suppose you smoked all these cigarettes?
Kay Eiffel: No, they came pre-smoked.
Penny Escher: Yeah, they said you were funny.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: I may already be dead, just not typed.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Professor Jules Hilbert: Aren't you relieved to know you're not a Golem?
Harold Crick: Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a Golem.
Professor Jules Hilbert: Good.
[silence]
Professor Jules Hilbert: [sighs] Do you have magical powers?

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Professor Jules Hilbert: No one wants to die, Harold, but unfortunately we do. Harold, you will die someday, sometime. Heart failure at the bank. Choke on a mint. Some long, drawn-out disease you contracted on vacation. You will die. You will absolutely die. Even if you avoid this death, another will find you and I guarantee that it won't be nearly as poetic or meaningful as what

she's written.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: [crying] You're asking me to knowingly face my death?
Professor Jules Hilbert: Yes.
Harold Crick: Really?
Professor Jules Hilbert: Yes.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Kay Eiffel: Little did he know that this simple, seemingly innocuous act would result in his imminent death.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: How are you?
Ana Pascal: I'm lousy. I'm being audited.
Harold Crick: Of course.
Ana Pascal: By a real creep too.
Harold Crick: I think I owe you an apology.
Ana Pascal: Really?
Harold Crick: IRS agents, we're given rigorous

aptitude tests before we can work. Unfortunately for you, we aren't tested on tact or good manners, so I apologize.
[stammers]
Harold Crick: I ogled you. Sorry.
Ana Pascal: Okay, apology accepted. But only because you stammered.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: Big flag-burning to get to?
Ana Pascal: Actually, it's my weekly evil-conspiracy and needlepoint group. You wanna come?
Harold Crick: I left my thimbles and socialist reading material at home.
[Ana laughs]

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Kay Eiffel: [Penny goes to answer phone] Don't answer that!
Penny Escher: Didn't you say this phone never r - ?
Kay Eiffel: Shh!
[types another sentence; the phone rings and she runs to answer it]
Kay Eiffel: Hello?
Harold Crick: Is this Karen Eiffel?
Kay

Eiffel: Yes.
Harold Crick: My name is Harold Crick. I believe you're writing a story about me.
Kay Eiffel: I'm sorry?
Harold Crick: My name is Harold Crick.
Kay Eiffel: Is this a joke?
Harold Crick: No. No, I work for the IRS. My name, Miss Eiffel, is Harold Crick. When

I go through the files at work I hear a deep and endless ocean.
Kay Eiffel: [gasps; drops phone in terror] Oh, G - !
Harold Crick: Miss Eiffel?

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Ana Pascal: I won't be paying, Mr. Crick. No matter how big the percent.
Harold Crick: No, I know. But the percent determines how big your cell is.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: You keep your files like this?
Ana Pascal: No, actually I'm quite fastidious. I put them in this box just to screw with you.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Kay Eiffel: [narrating] It wasn't just about finding a guitar. It was about finding a guitar that said something about Harold. Unfortunately, this guitar said: "When I get back to Georgia, that woman gonna feel my pain." This one said something along the lines of: "Why, yes, these pants are Lycra." These said, "I'm very sensitive, very caring and I have absolutely no idea how to

play the guitar." "I'm compensating for something. Guess what." And then Harold saw it.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Harold Crick: You have to understand that this isn't a philosophy or a literary theory or a story to me. It's my life.
Professor Jules Hilbert: Absolutely. So just go make it the one you've always wanted.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Professor Jules Hilbert: The last thing to determine conclusively is whether you're in a comedy or a tragedy. To quote Italo Calvino, "The ultimate meaning to which all stories refer has two faces: the continuity of life, the inevitability of death." Tragedy, you die. Comedy, you get hitched.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Penny Escher: [They are in a hospital ward surround by lots of sick and injured people] What are we doing here? I don't even think we're supposed to *be* in here.
Kay Eiffel: You told me I needed visual stimulation.
Penny Escher: Yeah, I meant a museum or something.
Kay Eiffel: I don't *need* a museum. I need

the goddamn infirm.
Penny Escher: [slightly under her breath] You *are* the infirm.

Stranger Than Fiction
Stranger Than Fiction

Kay Eiffel: [sees Harold for the first time] Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Harold Crick: Miss Eiffel?
Kay Eiffel: Your hair. Your eyes. Your fingers. Your shoes.
Harold Crick: Hello. I'm Harold Crick.
Kay Eiffel: I know.