[on an airplane to Seattle]
Nervous Woman on Airplane: Don't you just hate flying?
Annie Reed: Yes, I do, and I just told the most terrible one to the man I'm about to marry. Do you feel that any lie is a betrayal?
[pause]
Nervous Woman on Airplane: I said FLYING.
Jay: That's what I'm trying to tell you, what women are looking for: pecs and a cute butt.
Sam Baldwin: You mean like, "He has the cutest butt"?
Jay: Yeah.
Sam Baldwin: Where did I hear that recently?
Jay: Everywhere. You can't even turn on the news nowadays without hearing about how
some babe thought some guy's butt was cute. Who the first woman to say this was, I don't know, but somehow it caught on.
Sam Baldwin: So how's my butt?
[Jay stops walking, examines Sam's backside]
Jay: Not bad.
Sam Baldwin: Really?
Jay: Yeah.
Sam Baldwin: Is it cute,
though?
Jay: I don't know. Are we grading on a curve?
Jessica: I am telling them you're twelve so you can fly unaccompanied and the stewardess won't carry you around and stuff like that.
Jonah Baldwin: Are you crazy! Who'd believe I'm twelve?
Jessica: If it's in the computer, they believe anything.
Jonah Baldwin: Are you sure?
Jessica: Do
you want me to say that you are really really short for your age and they shouldn't say anything because it would hurt your feelings.
Jonah Baldwin: Yeah, that's a great idea!
Jonah Baldwin: What do you think happens to someone after they die?
Sam Baldwin: I don't know.
Jonah Baldwin: Like... do you believe in Heaven?
Sam Baldwin: [hesitates] I never did. I mean, the whole idea of an afterlife... But now, I don't know. 'Cause I have these dreams. About your mom. And we have these
long talks about you and how you're doing, which she sort of knows, but I tell her anyway. So what is that? That's sort of an afterlife, isn't it?
Sam Baldwin: I am NOT going to New York to meet some woman who could be a crazy, sick lunatic! Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?
Jay: When's the last time you were out there?
Sam Baldwin: Uh... uh, uh, Jimmy Carter, 1978.
Jay: Things are a little different now. First, you have to be friends. You have to like each other. Then you neck. This could go on for years. Then you have tests, and then you get to do it with a condom. The good news is, you split the
check.
Sam Baldwin: I don't think I could let a woman pay for dinner.
Jay: Great! They'll throw a parade in your honor. You'll be Man of the Year in "Seattle Magazine".
Sam Baldwin: I'd much rather just see someone I like and get a feeling about them, and ask them if they want to have a drink.
Jonah Baldwin: Or a slice of pizza.
Sam Baldwin: Not dinner. Not necessarily on the first date, because halfway through dinner you could be really sorry you asked them to dinner. Whereas if it's just a drink,
if you like them you can always ask them to dinner, but if not you can just say, "Well, that was great," and then you go home, if you see what I mean.
[pause]
Sam Baldwin: I wonder if it still works this way.
Jonah Baldwin: It doesn't. They ask you.
Sam Baldwin: I'm starting to notice that.
Sam Baldwin: Jonah, listen to me. You don't know Victoria. I hardly know her myself. She is a fat mystery to me. She tosses her hair a lot. Why does she do this? I have no idea. Is it a twitch? Does she need a haircut? Should she use a barrette to keep her hair out of her face? These are things I'm willing to get to the bottom of. And that is why... I am DATING her. That's all I'm
doing. I'm not living with her. I'm not marrying her. Can you appreciate the difference? This is what single people do. They try other people on and see how they fit. But everybody's an adjustment. Nobody's perfect. There's no such thing as a perfect...
[Annie walks in. Sam sees her for the first time, loses his train of thought, and stops talking]