Graham Hess: Lionel Prichard and the Wolfington brothers are back.
Merrill: It's time for an ass-whupping.
Graham Hess: This is not an intelligent way to approach this. Lee is a friend of mine. This is his son.
Merrill: Yeah, we'll be doing Lee a favor. All right, listen, we both go outside, move around the
house in opposite directions. We act crazy, insane with anger, make them crap in their pants, force them around till we meet up on the other side.
Graham Hess: Explain "act crazy".
Merrill: You know, curse and stuff.
Graham Hess: You want me to curse?
Merrill: You don't mean it. It's just for show.
What?
Graham Hess: Well, it won't be convincing. It doesn't sound natural when I curse.
Merrill: Just make noises, then.
Graham Hess: Explain "noises".
Merrill: Are you gonna do this or what?
Graham Hess: No, I'm not.
Merrill: All right, you want them
stealing something in the house next time?
[outside light comes on]
Merrill: On the count of three. One...
Graham Hess: All right.
Merrill: two... three!
Graham Hess: Ahh! I'm insane with anger!
Merrill: We're gonna beat your ass bitch! We're gonna tear your head off!
Graham Hess: I'm losing my mind! It's time for an ass-whupping!
[Merrill and Graham meet each other]
Graham Hess: I cursed.
Merrill: I heard.
[rustling on the roof]
Merrill: How did he get... Are you sure this is Lionel Prichard?
Graham Hess: Everybody in this family needs to just calm down and eat some fruit or something.
Merrill: One time, I was at this party... and I was sitting on the couch with Amanda McKinney. She was just sitting there, looking beautiful. So, I lean in to kiss her, and I realize I have gum in my mouth. So, I turn to spit it out and put it in a paper cup. I turn back, and Amanda McKinney throws up all over herself. I knew the moment it happened, it was a miracle. I could have
been kissing her when she threw up. It would have scarred me for life. I may never have recovered.
Colleen: Tell Morgan to play games, it's okay to be silly.
Graham Hess: I will.
Colleen: Tell Bo to listen to her brother. He'll always take care of her.
Graham Hess: I will.
Colleen: And tell Graham...
Graham Hess: I'm here.
Colleen: Tell
Graham... see. Tell him to see. And tell Merrill to swing away.
Merrill: Morgan, this crop stuff is just about a bunch of nerds who never had a girlfriend their whole lives. They're like thirty now. They make up secret codes and analyze Greek mythology and make secret societies where other guys who never had girlfriends can join in. They do stupid crap like this to feel special. It's a scam. Nerds were doin' it twenty five years ago and new
nerds are doing it again.
Graham Hess: Its just static, Morgan. Frequency.
[Weird noises come from the baby monitor]
Morgan: It's a code.
Bo: Why can't they get girlfriends?
Graham Hess: Come on, now, you're too old to be doing this. You get a glass of water, and leave it lying around instead of finishing it. Now what's wrong with this one?
Bo: It has dust in it.
Graham Hess: And this one?
Bo: A hair.
Graham Hess: And this one?
Bo:
Morgan took a sip and it's got his amoebas in it.
Graham Hess: That's why he had asthma. It can't be luck. His lungs were closed. His lungs were closed. No poison got in. No poison got in. His lungs were closed. His lungs were closed.
[Merrill checks for a pulse]
Graham Hess: Don't touch him. Give him a minute.
[Merrill starts crying]
Merrill: Graham...
Graham Hess: Give him a second.
Bo: Daddy...
Graham Hess: Don't touch him.
Merrill: Graham...
Graham Hess: Don't... Don't.
Morgan: Dad? What happened? Did someone save me?
[Graham starts crying]
Graham Hess: Yeah, baby, I think
someone did.
Merrill: There are a lot of things I can take, and some things I can't. But what I can't take is when my older brother, who's everything that I want to be, starts losing faith in things. I saw that look in your eyes last night. I don't ever want to see that look in your eyes again.
[Graham wakes in the morning and finds Merrill watching television in the cupboard under the stairs]
Merrill: For the kids' protection. They were watching the TV from 5am on. I didn't want them getting obsessed, like you said. They should be outside, playing Furry Furry Rabbit or tea party or something.
Graham Hess: What's Furry Furry rabbit?
Merrill: It's a game, isn't it?
Merrill: Excluding the possibility that a female Scandinavian Olympian was running around outside our house last night, what else might be a possibility?
Officer Caroline: I'm not done asking questions. And I don't appreciate sarcasm.
Merrill: Hey, you guys okay?
Morgan: Some guy had a sign saying it was the end of the world.
Merrill: Don't worry.
Morgan: You won't let anything happen to us, right?
Merrill: No way.
Morgan: I wish you were my dad.
Merrill: What did you
say? Don't you ever say anything like that again. Ever!
Graham Hess: The police are here. I am with them. I am a police officer. I just want to talk with you. We know all about the hoax. We already took some of your friends downtown in a paddy wagon. Just tell us your name and why you did it, and we'll give you the same deal we gave the others. Don't throw your life away, son.