53 Shoot 'Em Up Quotes (2024)

Shoot 'Em Up

Mr. Hertz: My god! Do we really suck, or is this guy really that good?

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Mr. Hertz: Fuck me sideways.

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Mr. Hertz: Do you know why a gun is better than a wife?
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Dunno.
Mr. Hertz: You can put a silencer on a gun.

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Mr. Smith: [after a shootout with several men, and shooting out letters of a neon sign so that all that's left says "FUK U."] Fuck you, ya fucking fuckers.

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Mr. Hertz: Guns don't kill people! But they sure help.

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Mr. Hertz: Bravo, Mr. Hero. Bravo.
Mr. Smith: Why are you trying to kill this woman?
[Hertz laughs]
Mr. Smith: Something funny?
Mr. Hertz: Well, I was just remembering a limerick. "There once was a woman who was quite begat. She had three babies named Nat, Pat, and Tat. She said it was fun in the

breeding, but found it was hell in the feeding, when she saw there was no tit for Tat." You have caused me no end of trouble, but now I shall return the favor. Tit for tat, right?

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Hammerson: Do you know why Americans love guns, Mr. Hertz? And it's got nothing to do with all that phallic mumbo-jumbo, "cockin' your gun." No, Hertz, people love guns because America is a land of opportunity, where a poor man can become rich, and a pussy can become a tough guy, if he's got a gun in his hand. Now, I'm hopin' you're not just a pussy with a gun in your hand.

Mr. Hertz: Oh no, sir. No, no, I am not. I'm a tough guy with a pussy in my hand.

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Mr. Smith: I move my finger one inch to use my turn signal. Why are these assholes so lazy they can't move their finger one fucking measly inch to drive more safely? You wanna know why?
DQ: Not particularly.
Mr. Smith: Because these rich bastards have to be callous and inconsiderate in the first place to make all that money, so when

they get on the road, they can't help themselves. They've gotta be callous and inconsiderate drivers too. It's in their nature.

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Mr. Smith: [after ramming a carrot through the back of a killer's head] Eat your vegetables.

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Mr. Smith: [after killing several men while at the same time having sex with DQ] Talk about shooting your load.

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[as DQ rants in Italian at Smith]
Mr. Smith: I don't understand a word you're going on about, but I know exactly what you're saying and I refuse to apologize.

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[DQ has just had a quickie with a passing john to raise some quick cash]
DQ: To buy something for the baby.
Mr. Smith: Something for the baby?
[back in the pawnshop, she wraps Baby Oliver in a bulletproof vest]
DQ: A bulletproof vest is better than a crib.
Mr. Smith: I hate to think what you'd do

to get him into the right school.

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Mr. Smith: [after being propelled from his car into a van and shooting all occupants inside] So much for wearing your seatbelt.

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Mr. Smith: You know what I really hate?
[Smith shoots Hertz in the the chest]
Mr. Smith: What I really hate, is a pussy with a gun in his hand.

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Mr. Hertz: Are you trying to tell me that some bum came to her rescue? Well well well, this is a fine mess.
Killer Shot in Behind: I won't make this mistake again. I got a piece of lead in my butt as a reminder!
Mr. Hertz: Yeah, I can appreciate that.
[Hertz shoots him in the other cheek]
Killer Shot in

Behind: Aw! My ass!
Mr. Hertz: And let that be a reminder never to fail me again.

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Hertz's Driver: Of all the squats in the city, how does he know Smith's in this one? Another lucky guess?
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Naw, he doesn't guess. He sees things we don't. He was once an FBI profiler.
Mr. Hertz: Forensic behavior consultant. My god, how many times do I have to tell you guys? Details make all the difference in

this business.
[opens the door]
Man Who Rides Shotgun: Hey, uh, don't you think you should hang back, sir?
Mr. Hertz: The leader who stays in the rear, takes it in the rear. Besides, violence is one of the most fun things to watch.

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DQ: Why don't you take the baby to the police?
Mr. Smith: I can't go to the police.
DQ: Why not?
Mr. Smith: I'm the Unabomber.
DQ: They caught the Unabomber.
Mr. Smith: That's what they think.

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DQ: Who are you?
Mr. Smith: I'm a British nanny, and I'm dangerous.

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Mr. Smith: You want to know the difference between this luxury car and a porcupine?
DQ: I give up.
Mr. Smith: With the car, the prick's on the inside.