Carter: This is the LAPD. We're the most hated cops in all the free world. My own mama's ashamed of me. She tells everybody I'm a drug dealer.
Carter: That's why I don't have no partner, that's one thing I learned from my daddy.
Lee: Your father was a policeman?
Carter: Fifteen years LAPD.
Lee: My daddy also a policeman.
Carter: Your daddy was a cop?
Lee: Not a cop, an officer, a legend all over Hong
Kong.
Carter: My daddy a legend too all over America. My daddy once arrested fifteen people in one night by himself.
Lee: My daddy arrested 25 by himself.
Carter: ...My daddy once saved five crackheads from a burnin' building, by himself.
Lee: My daddy once caught a bullet with his bare hand.
Carter: My daddy'll kick your daddy's ass all the way from here to China, Japan, wherever the hell you from and all up that Great Wall too.
Lee: Hey, don't talk about my father.
Carter: Don't talk about my daddy.
Captain Diel: Two officers were shot, one man lost a pinkie.
Carter: But didn't nobody die!
Captain Diel: You destroyed half a city block!
Carter: That block was already messed up.
Captain Diel: And you lost a lot of evidence!
Carter: We still got a little bit
left.
Lee: You must take me to see Consul Han right away.
Carter: Man, just sit there and shut up! This ain't no democracy.
Lee: Yes, it is.
Carter: No, it ain't. This is the United States of James Carter. I'm the president, I'm the emperor, I'm the king. I'm Michael Jackson, you Tito. Your ass belongs to me.
Carter: You don't know nothing about no War.
Lee: Everybody knows War.
[singing]
Lee: War! Huh! Yeah! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, sing it again, you all!
Carter: It ain't 'you all', it's "y'all"!
Lee: Yaw.
Carter: Y'all!
Lee: Yaw!
Carter: Man you sound like a Karate movie, y'all!
Lee: Yoll.
[meeting Lee at the airport]
Carter: Please tell me you speak English. I'm Detective Carter. Do you speaka any English? DO-YOU-UNDERSTAND-THE-WORDS-THAT-ARE-COMING-OUT-OF-MY-MOUTH?
[Lee just smiles]
Carter: I cannot believe this SHIT! First I get a bullshit assignment, now Mr. Rice-a-Roni don't even speak American. C'mon, man, my ride over
here. Put your bag in the back.
[Lee pauses]
Carter: PUT-YOUR-BAG-IN-THE-BACK!
[Lee hands the bag to Carter]
Carter: No, no, no, you put your own shit in the back! I'm not a skycap!
Sang: The drop will be made tonight. The amount will be fifty million dollars.
Carter: Fifty million dollars? Man, who do you think you kidnapped? Chelsea Clinton?
Sang: We want twenty million in fifties.
Carter: Okay, twenty million in fifties.
Sang: Twenty million in twenties.
Carter: Okay, twenty million in twenties.
Sang: And ten million in tens.
Carter: Ten million in tens. Okay. Ey d'you want any fives with that?
Lee: Ah! Beach Boys!
Carter: Oh, hell no! You didn't just touch my goddamn radio!
Lee: The Beach Boys are great American music.
Carter: The Beach Boys gonna get you a great ass whuppin'. Don't you ever touch a black man's radio, boy! You can do that in China but you can get your ass killed out here, man!
[Carter is trying to convince Officer Bobby to let him into the prison after-hours]
Carter: Bobby, didn't I look the other way that time you bought that bag of weed?
Officer Bobby: I was splittin' it with you!
Carter: Well, didn't I give you the bigger half?
Carter: [sees a man smoking pot] Is this weed?
[starts smelling the joint]
Carter: You got a perscription for this?
Cigaweed Man: Uhh... it's uhh... uhhh...
Carter: Where's it at? I should take your ass to jail, you know that?
Cigaweed Man: For what?
Carter: For what? Look at this!
Cigaweed Man: That's nothing but a cigarette...
Carter: That's cigaweed!
Cigaweed Man: Well it looked like a cigarette...
Carter: You better have glaucoma.
Cigaweed Man: I do.
[Carter has ordered Chinese takeout]
Carter: Damn, Chin, this is some greasy shit. You ain't got no better food, like some chicken wings, some baby back ribs, some fries or something?
Chin: Chinese food, no soul food here!
Carter: I didn't say nothin' 'bout no soul food, I said you got some better food. I don't want that
greasy shit. How you gonna sell a big box of grease?
[Chin conplains in Chinese]
Carter: [turns cross] I'm chilly a what?
Lee: [grabs Carter] Come on!
Chin: I'm no punk bitch.
Carter: I ain't no punk bitch, neither!
Chin: I'M no punk bitch!
Carter:
I'm about to knock that hat off your head, Chin.