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Kuzzik: Lets get ready to dance... with swords!

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Gayle Sweeny: Did Wheeler ever expose himself to you?
Ronnie Shields: Hell, no!

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Danny: Man, why do you bow for that guy?
Augie Farks: Because he's the king, and he rules the entire realm.
Danny: Oh he rules the entire realm? Oh my bad.
Danny: Is that when he is or isn't whacking it to The Sims?

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Kuzzik: Diana has put away her bosom. Apollo has lifted his skirt. The day has been launched.

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Ronnie Shields: We are butt suck, chipmunk ass butt! We got ass butt, oh yo ass butt!
Wheeler: Come sit on, sit down! Please! Danny?
Danny: I like Ronnie's version better. I like how it invokes the concept of "ass" and "butt".

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Wheeler: Did you know that bald eagles are known to engage in a bizarre mating ritual where two eagles fly upwards, lock talons, and fall towards the earth while rotating, separating almost before they crash into the ground, if and only if they consummate their bird fuck. If they don't, they are willing to accept their death by hard ground. It's the ultimate race against the

clock.
Augie Farks: Why are you telling me this?
Wheeler: Why would I not?

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Danny: [while urinating neon green liquid] Jeez, it's like Shrek's piss.

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Gayle Sweeny: I'm not here to service you, I'm here to service these young boys.

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Ronnie Shields: You're my PIC, Wheeler.
Wheeler: What's a PIC?
Ronnie Shields: Partner in crime. You're my PIC. Just don't cock-block me tonight.

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Ronnie Shields: [Ronnie sees a "KISS" pinball machine] Who are these clowns?
Wheeler: KISS? You don't know who KISS is?
Ronnie Shields: No, never heard of them. They look like idiots to me.
Wheeler: No, no, no, dude, these are four of the smartest guys who ever lived. They're these Jewish guys who grew up in

New York, and they put on guitars and makeup to get girls, and all their songs are about fucking.
Ronnie Shields: I'm listening.
Wheeler: ["Love Gun" starts playing on the stereo] Seriously, this song is called "Love Gun" and it's about Paul Stanley's dick and how this girl's gonna get some of his dick
Ronnie Shields: Cool. I

didn't know Jews could sing like that.
Wheeler: No, no, they couldn't at the time. That's why they had to dress like clowns.
Ronnie Shields: This got them girls?
Wheeler: Get this: they've been getting pussy non-stop for 30 years. They're probably fucking right now and they're old dudes! They put makeup on and it's all good!


Ronnie Shields: No, shit!
Wheeler: [singing] You pulled the trigger on my love gun! See Ronnie, his dick is the gun!

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Beth: Yes, Wheeler?
Wheeler: This may be a stupid question. The Get Out of Jail Free Card: Is that real?
Beth: That's not a stupid question.
Danny: It's real in the game of Monopoly.
Wheeler: But Monopoly is based on true events.

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Wheeler: You sexy like a chocolate strawberry.

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Kuzzik: Now let us gingerly touch our tips.

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Danny: I'm in a rut, we're in a rut. Let's shake things up. I have an idea, let's get married! I don't have a ring...

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Danny: Eight hours down, 142 to go.
Wheeler: This sucks ass.
Danny: Dude, I just spent the afternoon in Middle-earth with glee-glop and the floopty-doos, all right? Give me a fucking break.

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Martin Gary: You know, a lot of people don't realize that bushes, just like flowers, emit a wonderful aroma especially at night. Who wants to sniff this bush?

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Wheeler: I don't have crabs! What have you been telling these kids?
Ronnie Shields: That you have crabs.

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Ronnie Shields: Honky wanted a fistful of my balls!

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Gayle Sweeny: You're standing over there, and you're standing over there, and I don't know which way is up!

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Gayle Sweeny: Why don't you lay out two lines of your selfishness, which is your blow, draw the shades, take the phone off the hook, grab a straw, and snort!