As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy.
In L.A., fat people are mythical. We're like Big Foot. 'Oh, yeah, my cousin knows someone who's fat.' Nobody's fat in L.A.
I'm blue collar, which means white trash with a job. But it also means people who take pride in what they do.
There's certain stock lines that, you know, like heckler lines, you know, like, where did you learn to whisper, a helicopter, you know? Nobody owns those. I mean, someone first wrote it but it's been so universally used that it's common and it's called stock.
I'm dirty, I'm irreverent - but I'm still a very topical comedian.
My name is Ralphie. How many Ralphie's do you know? It's unique.
Most comics can't produce the amount of material I produce.
I do like two hours of new material every year.
My wife is my teammate. She's my best friend. I love her.
I'd like to be a U.S. senator from Tennessee.
I'm not crooked, and I want to help people.
I'm too blunt, too matter-of-fact and not PC enough.
I'm too Southern.
I got kids now... It gives you an empathetic feeling into other cultures and stuff.
I don't need the fame or power.
I'm honest, at the end of the day - I'm obese, but I'm not obtuse.
There's no getting around it - I am a politically incorrect, racially insensitive, culturally controversial comic, but at least I'm self-aware.
I think it's funny when stereotypes happen.
Michigan... it's a great state... somewhere.
I've got a lot of charisma, plus women are forgiving and they can be charmed.
