Pineapple Express Quotes

Saul: Let's roll, man! I'm done with the woods! Let's go! C'mon, man, let's get the fuck outta here!
Dale Denton: [sarcastically] Okay... Uhh let's go... No... It's not working... the battery's dead.
Saul: Wait...! What do you mean, it's dead?
Dale Denton: [laughing] What do I mean? I mean the battery's dead.

The battery's dead!
Saul: No, no! What do you mean, the battery's dead?
Dale Denton: How can I explain this to you differently? The battery is dead. It ceased to live. It's deceased now. The car needs a battery to start, Saul.
Saul: [frustrated sigh] How did this happen?
Dale Denton: Well we clearly

fell asleep with the battery on and-...
Saul: Aw, man... Talk radio?
Dale Denton: Yes, talk radio.
Saul: So boring, man! The car just committed suicide.

Red: Man, I'm just into Buddhism, and I'm at peace with the fact that me, as this person, probably gonna not be around. Think about a hermit crab, okay? And it's a shell. It's like, they go from one shell to the next. And that's what I am. I'm just a hermit crab changin' shells.
Dale Denton: Except if you're a dick your whole life, your next shell will be

made of shit, okay? If you're an asshole, you're gonna come back as a cockroach or a worm or a fuckin' anal bead, okay? If you're a man and you act heroic, you'll come back as an eagle. You'll come back as a dragon. You'll come back as Jude Law, okay? Which would you rather be?
Red: Maybe the anal bead, depending on who it belongs to.
Dale Denton:

Belongs to me.
Red: Then the dragon.

Red: Why don't you follow his lead and just chill out, man?
Dale Denton: I'm chill. I'm chill as a cucumber, man.
Red: You don't seem chill.
Dale Denton: I'm more chill than you.
Red: You're more chill than me?
Dale Denton: Yeah.
Red: Look

what I'm wearing. Kimono, dog. What're you wearing?
Dale Denton: A suit.
Red: Yeah, exactly. I don't know what's up with you, but I don't know if I like you.
Dale Denton: Well, I don't know if I like you either, man.
Red: Well, that's your loss 'cause I'm a great friend.

Saul: This is like if that Blue Oyster shit met that Afghan Kush I had - and they had a baby. And then, meanwhile, that crazy Northern Light stuff I had and the Super Red Espresso Snowflake met and had a baby. And by some miracle, those two babies met and fucked - this would the shit that they birthed.
Dale Denton: [smells the marijuana] Wow. This is the

product of baby fucking.

Saul: How about in the park, when I said you were my friend... you didn't say anything back.
Dale Denton: Well, that's easy. It's because we're not friends. You are my drug dealer. The only reason I know you is because I like the drugs you sell. If you didn't sell drugs, I would have no idea who you are, and I wouldn't be here right now. I would be

fantastic!
Saul: Oh.
Dale Denton: I'm sorry, that sounded really mean... just to hear that, that sounded really mean.
Saul: No, I see. The monkey's out of the bottle now!
Dale Denton: What? That's not even... a figure of speech.
Saul: Pandora can't go back into the box - he only

comes out.

Dale Denton: [talking about his girlfriend] I go visit her in high school and all the guys she goes to school with are, like, strong and handsome and really, like, funny and do good impressions of Jeff Goldblum and shit like that. And, like, I just feel like a fat, dumb fuckin' stinky-ass turd when I'm there.
Saul: What?
Dale Denton:

It sucks for my ego.
Saul: Fuck Jeff Goldblum, man!

Dale Denton: [while hiding in the woods, on the run from Ted's henchmen] Even if he found that roach, how could he find us?
Saul: Um... heat-seeking missiles... bloodhounds... and foxes... barracudas...
Dale Denton: I'm just - I'm kind of flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.
Saul: Thank

you.
Dale Denton: Not a compliment.