Chiron: Percy, take this to defend yourself. It's a powerful weapon. Guard it well. Only use it in times of severe distress.
Percy Jackson: This is a pen. This is a *pen.*
[last lines]
[Annabeth leaning in as if to kiss Percy, then swiping his sword]
Annabeth Chase: Whoa! Whoa! Wait!
Percy Jackson: First rule of battle strategy. Don't ever let your opponent distract you.
Hades: [yelling] Persephone! What could possibly be taking so long? Don't ignore me!
Persephone: [yells back] Or *what*? What will you do?
[quietly]
Persephone: I'm already in Hell.
Luke: But, uh, you're gonna have to promise me one thing. If you see my dad on the highway to hell.
Percy Jackson: Yeah?
Luke: Kick his ass for me.
Grover: So, uh, Perce... what do you remember?
Percy Jackson: Some crazy dream. I don't know. There was a monster. My mon was there. Well- well, you were there, too, but you were some weird hybrid, man-goat *thing*! Woah!
Grover: Yeah. The politically correct term is Satyr.
Percy Jackson: Mr. Brunner?
Chiron: In my world, I'm known as Chiron. Are you recovered?
Percy Jackson: Am *I* recovered? You, you're... not in a wheelchair. You have...
Chiron: A real horses ass.
Percy Jackson: What's her name?
[pointing at Annabeth]
Grover: [laughs] She will squash you like a bug.
Percy Jackson: Her *name*.
Grover: Annabeth. Daughter of Athena, the goddess of wisdom.
Grover: GPS from the gods. Where to next?
Percy Jackson: [unfolding the map] Let's see.
[a new marking appears on the map]
Percy Jackson: The Parthenon in Nashville.
Grover: Nashville? Oh, great. Home of my least favorite music. Yee-haw!
[Annabeth grins]
Percy Jackson: Oh, you guys take camp way too seriously.
Grover: [holding up the Medusa head] Guys, I can't pee with her watching me.
[the passing maid sees the head, screams, and runs off]
Grover: Sorry, guys. I messed up. I should have closed the curtains.
Annabeth Chase: Come on, guys. Let's hit the road before Homeland Security shows up.
Grover: [Seeing the daughters of Aphrodite in the hot tub, and turning to Percy and Chiron] Ooh. The Daughters of Aphrodite. Okay. All right, guys. You guys got a lot of catching up to do. Their mother is the Goddess of Love, so you know where that leads. Hey, baby! Whoo!
Chiron: Satyrs.
Percy Jackson: Oh, I wish I could spend all day underwater instead of this place.
Grover: Right. It's like High School without the musical.
[first lines]
Poseidon: Zeus.
Zeus: Poseidon.
Zeus: It's been many years.
Zeus: What do you see?
Poseidon: Thunder clouds.
Zeus: But no lightning. Stolen.
Percy Jackson: You're half donkey?
Grover: No, half goat.
[busts out window with hooves and climbs out]
Sally Jackson: Go, Grover!
Grover: Guys, watch out, there's glass! Now come on!
