Pete: He puts his dick in your mouth while you were asleep, bitch!
Assjuice: Uh-uh, I wasn't asleep.
Pete: Do you think maybe we've gone too far? I'm a child of divorce and I sympathize with them.
Teddy Sanders: My parents love each other, and I think it's hilarious.
Assjuice: Do you know how many bj's they promised me?
Assjuice: Infinite bj's. They promised me infinite bj's
Teddy Sanders: You make the store more approachable.
Mac Radner: Like, I'm more of an attainable goal?
Teddy Sanders: Yeah, you're like Relaxed Fit.
Officer Watkins: You called about your neighbors?
Mac Radner: No.
Officer Watkins: We have caller ID, we're cops, everybody has caller ID.
Paula: Let's make a baby!
Jimmy: Yes, that will solve all our problems.
Mac Radner: I'll call my mother she'll know what to do.
Kelly Radner: Do not call your mother! Jesus, you Jews and your fucking mothers!
Jimmy: [Assjuice puts the glasses on] He looks like J.J. Abrams. He look good. He looks okay.
Jimmy: We missed out on the whole kinda sex-tech bubble, you know what I mean? Now they've got SexBook and FuckFriends. And there's this thing called Grindr, which is just... your phone beeps when there's someone horny near you. It's kind of amazing. It's mostly guys, but I'm gonna find a girl pretty soon.
