Jenny: [sees a painting of Ms. Trunchbull] Oh my. My father's portrait used to hang there.
Matilda: Whoever painted The Trunchbull must have had a strong stomach. A really strong stomach.
Harry Wormwood: [Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull] Young lady, where were you?
Matilda: Miss Trunchbull kept the whole school late because this boy ate some chocolate cake.
Harry Wormwood: That's the biggest lie I've ever heard. Did you see all those packages
outside? They were left out there for the whole world to see because you weren't here to take 'em in!
Agatha Trunchbull: Useless, flamin' car! Wormwood! Sell me a lemon? You're heading for the chokey, young lady!
Matilda: Chokey?
Agatha Trunchbull: Teach you a lesson!
Matilda: What lesson?
Agatha Trunchbull: You and your father think you can make a fool out of me!
Matilda: My father?
Agatha Trunchbull: The guy with the stupid haircut!
Matilda: I'm nothing like my father.
Agatha Trunchbull: You're the spitting image. The apple never rots far from the tree!
Harry Wormwood: Are you in this family?
Matilda: Mmmm...
Harry Wormwood: Hello?
[short pause]
Harry Wormwood: Are you in this family?
[switches the lamp off]
Harry Wormwood: Dinner time is family time. What is this trash you're reading?
Matilda:
It's not trash, Daddy, it's lovely. It's called "Moby Dick", by Herman Melville.
Harry Wormwood: Moby *what*?
[snatching the book from Matilda and tears the pages out of the cover]
Harry Wormwood: This is Filth! Trash...!
Matilda: It's not mine! It's a library book!
Harry Wormwood: I'm fed up
with all this reading! You're a Wormwood, you start acting like one! Now sit up and look at the TV.
Zinnia Wormwood: [cutting off Harry's hat with scissors] I still don't see how you glued your hat on, Harry. I mean, I know you say you didn't, but obviously, you did.
Harry Wormwood: I did *not* glue my hat to my head! The hat shrunk! The fibers fused to my hair!
Matilda: Dad?
Harry Wormwood: What do you want?
Matilda: Yell at me, okay?
Harry Wormwood: SHUT UP AND LEAVE US ALONE!
Matilda: Yell at me again!
Harry Wormwood: [in a rage] Yell at ya?
[storming towards her]
Harry Wormwood: I'll
come in there and pound your miserable hide! What do I have to do to gain respect around here? I'm gonna give you a tanning like you never had in your life! My word is my law!
[Matilda uses her powers to slam her bedroom door in Harry's face just as he reaches it]
Agatha Trunchbull: [accusing Matilda of putting a newt in her drinking water] You didn't like the chokey, did you? Thought you'd pay me back, didn't you? Well, I'll pay you back, young lady.
Matilda: For what, Miss Trunchbull?
Agatha Trunchbull: For this newt, you piss-worm!
Matilda: I'm telling you, I didn't
do it!
Agatha Trunchbull: Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it!
Agatha Trunchbull: I have never been able to understand why small children are so disgusting. They're the bane of my life. They're like insects: they should be got rid of as early as possible.
[makes spraying gesture]
Agatha Trunchbull: Psst! My idea of a perfect school is one in which there are no children... at all. Wouldn't you agree, Miss Honey?
[Miss Honey briefly nods yes as she leaves to rescue Matilda from the Chokey]
Narrator: Dirty dealings, like buying stolen car parts, never stay secret for long, especially when the FBI gets involved.
FBI Agent Bob: [into recorder] 9:17, suspect exits domicile.
FBI Agent Bill: I've got 9:18.
FBI Agent Bob: [into recorder] 9:17 is correct.
[Harry has ordered out of the house the FBI agents, whom Zinnia had just been talking to]
Zinnia Wormwood: You don't let me talk to people! I live in a cage, Harry! I need to talk to SOMEBODY besides our stupid kids!
Harry Wormwood: Oh, yeah? Well, a man is entitled to come home and find dinner on the table, without having to wait for a convention of
male strippers!
Agatha Trunchbull: [her car has broken down] Come on, move you piece of junkyard fodder! Shift you...!
Agatha Trunchbull: The distance the shotput goes, depends upon the effort that you PUT INTO IT. PERSPERATION! If you can't handle the little brat, I'LL LOCK HER IN THE CHOKEY!
[she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely]
Agatha Trunchbull: Get it?
Jenny: [nods] Yes, ma'am.
Agatha
Trunchbull: One day Jen, you'll see that everything I do is for your own good. And for the good of those - PUTRESCENT LITTLE CHILDREN!
[she shoves Jenny out of her office and slams the door after her]