Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

The game of life is a lot like football. You have to tackle your problems, block your fears, and score your points when you get the opportunity.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

'Redneck' has been terribly abused as a term. Where I come from, a redneck was a farmer who worked the fields all day and got his neck sunburned. People made fun of them.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

Yankees don't understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

I don't think I'm a bigot or a racist. But I have a truck, a Blazer. I drink beer. There are some women I do hate.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

I was raised to think women had babies, stayed at home, and men worked. By the time I got ready to do it, I thought I had all the answers. Only somebody had changed the questions.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

I went last week to get hypnotized. To quit smoking. And the hypnotist said, 'The reason you smoke is you're bitter and depressed.' No, the reason I smoke is the little sucker tastes so good.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

There's no such thing as being too Southern.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wiggle out of one.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

I'm a staunch believer in enterprise, and I'm glad I live in a country where - I don't think some people understand this, but if I work hard, I get rewarded for it.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

I wish one time in my life I could do what other writers do... get me a villa in Spain and go there to write a book.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

I gave 738 Rotary Club speeches, and it was just driving me crazy, so someone said, 'Why don't you charge money?'

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

I don't know how I do it, but I've written about everything. I've written about my shoes.

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

You call to a dog and a dog will break its neck to get to you. Dogs just want to please. Call to a cat and its attitude is, 'What's in it for me?'

Lewis Grizzard
Lewis Grizzard

A little irreverence is always important to being a columnist. I try to do that.