I only use my sick days for hang-overs and soap opera weddings.
If it bends, it's funny; if it breaks, it's not funny.
Hmmm... I never get the answer I think I'm going to get.
It's filled with... baking soda. Because it really smells.
A laugh is a terrible weapon.
Everywhere I go I'm asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them.
If somebody on this team actually gets to first base, I'll stand there naked.
My mom always said that if the Protestants catch a Catholic in their church, they feed them to the Jews.
