Chris: No, you have fun being the girl who peaked in high school.
Chris: [Jamie slaps him] You slap like a cheerleader...
[Jamie then punches him in the face]
Jamie Palamino: So, tell me about your job!
Chris: Oh my God, when you get past all the glamour, it's just crazy. I mean, you got Pink calling you, Good Charlotte, then it's Jay-Z's birthday party, and I am totally name dropping right now and I'd really like to stop. Mick Jagger. How about you?
Jamie Palamino: Mistletoe!
Jamie Palamino: Will you try it on for me? Please? I think it will fit...
Chris: [putting on Jamie's gift] ... It's a little snug.
Jamie Palamino: Aww. "Shakes come and go but friends are furrr-ever." That's adorable! Let's go show my mom.
Jamie Palamino: I think I just peed a little!
Mr. Palamino: How did you lose all that weight? Like that retard from Subway?
Clark: [Chris and Clark are discussing how Chris didn't have sex with Jamie the night before] Are you guys on the same menstrual cycle yet, or what?
Ray: Where did you come up with this theory?
[referring to the 'Friend Zone' theory]
Chris: Some chick f'ed me up in high school bad.
[repeated line]
Clark: Chris Brander, ladies and gentleman!
Mike: Samantha James, it is an honor. I have your poster on my wall, but you are so much hotter in person.
Samantha James: [coyly] I know!
Samantha James: Get off me, God Boy!
