Official at Funeral: Everything in order, English?
Johnny English: I think you'll find it's rather more than just in order, Sir. You are now entering the most secure location in the whole of England.
[a bomb explodes in the distance, killing all the British agents]
[in a sushi bar, the waiter brings glasses of saké; English and Campbell toast each other]
Lorna Campbell: [in Japanese] Cheers.
Johnny English: [in Japanese] May all your daughters be born with three bottoms.
[Lorna sees Sauvage the Frenchman standing just behind English, who thinks that he's just another waiter in the party, not knowing that it's truly Sauvage, who also listens to everything they say]
Lorna Campbell: You obviously haven't met our host, Monsieur Savage.
Johnny English: No, thank God! You know, I think I'd rather have my bottom impaled on
a giant cactus than exchange pleasantries with that jumped-up Frenchman. As far as I'm concerned, the only thing the French should be allowed to host is an invasion.
[English chuckles, then attemps to take a drink out of his glass, but just then notices Sauvage standing right behind him, not realizing that it's actually him instead of just one of the waiters, and that he has just heard
English's insult]
Johnny English: [looking over at him] Sorry, can I help?
Pascal Sauvage: [into English's face] Pascal Sauvage.
[Sauvage reaches out to shake Lorna's hand]
Pascal Sauvage: The jumped-up Frenchman.
Lorna Campbell: Lorna Campbell. I've been so looking forward to meeting you.
Pascal Sauvage: Enchanté.
[English is now looking dumbstruck and stammering in embarrassment]
Pascal Sauvage: Of course, you are Johnny English. I've heard all about you. And between you and me, I'm not so keen on the French myself.
Pegasus' Secretary: There are some items you need to sign before your briefing. Here is your new retinal ID card. And this is your Level 9 security clearance. Sign and date, please.
[the secretary hands English a pen, but he puts it down and picks up another, gold-plated pen, pointing it towards the secretary]
Johnny English: Ah, reminds me of the
old service-issue ballpoint. I remember every agent would carry a pen that looked just like this. Completely innocent to the untrained eye, but click it twice...
[there is a muffled explosion from the pen and the secretary collapses on the floor]
[Johnny and Bough are in a dark tunnel]
Johnny English: It may be pitch black, but we can still see.
Bough: Can we, sir? How?
Johnny English: The Bedouin monks of the Al Maghreb mountains developed a system of sonic chanting.
Bough: I see, sir.
Johnny English: The sound of their
chanting would bounce back off any obstacles, and using their highly tuned ears they could paint a mental picture of the path ahead.
Bough: Brilliant, sir.
Johnny English: However, you must always sing in E-flat.
Johnny English: [singing] E-flat, E-flat, E-flat... Thank you for the music / The songs I'm singing
Bough: Is it working, sir?
Johnny English: Extremely well, thank you, Bough.
Johnny English: [singing] Thanks for all the joy that...
[Johnny hits the tunnel wall]
Johnny English: Ow!
Pascal Sauvage: [ranting] All this stupid little country has to do is stand in line and do what it is told for one miserable day, but can it do that?
[Sauvage bends over and points his bottom at the audience]
Pascal Sauvage: [ranting] My fragrant French arse it can't!
[English is whistling a note that is gradually rising in pitch, to find the resonant frequency which will unlock the door of the prison cell. Suddenly the whistle goes silent]
Lorna Campbell: I can't hear anything.
Johnny English: I'm into ultrasonic.
Johnny English: Do you or do you not have tattooed on your bottom the words "Jesus is coming, look busy"?
Archbishop of Canterbury: Are you insane?
Johnny English: Well, let's find out, shall we?
[He lifts up the Archbishop's vestments and pulls his pants down, only to reveal that he does not have the tattoo]
Newscaster: Pascal is accused of treason, and if convicted faces the death penalty. He says in that eventuality he would like to donate his brain to the study of the causes of hypomanic schizophrenia.
Carlos Vendetta: That's a letter of abdication renouncing your claims to the throne and the claims of your entire family. Sign it.
[the Queen reads the abdication sign and puts her pen down]
Queen: Never.
[Vendetta picks up the Queen's dog and threatens to shoot it. The Queen solemnly signs the abdication note]
Archbishop of Canterbury: And do you, the chosen Bishops of England, Wales and Scotland, assent to this anointment?
Scottish Bishop: For Scotland I do.
Welsh Bishop: For Wales I do.
Johnny English: For England
[Pulls off bishop's clothing]
Johnny English: *I do not*!
Johnny English: Are you here in some professional capacity?
Lorna Campbell: I work in the restoration of the jewels.
Johnny English: Intriguing.
Lorna Campbell: And yourself?
Johnny English: [Chuckles] If I told you that, I'm afraid I'd have to kill you.
Lorna
Campbell: I'd like to see you try.