All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.
In prison, inmates sometimes use Cheetos and grape juice as makeup. I wouldn't use that beauty regimen around Britney Spears - she might lick your face off!
I operate off of fear almost exclusively.
When you are an actor or trying to be a working actor in L.A., most people have commercial agents, and then they have legitimate agents, and you just end up going on a thousand auditions.
It's an awesome thing to be flung out onto the stage twice a weekend in front of 250 people, and you have to make it up as you go along.
'Maury' and 'Jerry Springer' get so theatrical that it's hard to believe.
There are always ridiculous things on television or on the Internet that make people go, 'Did you see that?' That could be anything from a clip from the 'Real Housewives' to someone jumping off their roof and missing the pool to a zillion other things.
Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair glam comedy.
If you have a dream, just lie about it. Lie your way unto your dreams.
My children do not know what it's like to flip around channels. They either go to Netflix, Apple TV, or they pull up YouTube, and they can watch their shows.
My goal and my career is definitely not to be famous. That's a really horrible goal, just to be famous for the sake of having fame.
Follow what your head is telling you and work hard. That's the big secret.
E! always wanted me to keep it to entertainment news or entertainment and no sports or anything like that, and don't get too weird.
'Big Brother,' I can't believe people watch. It's just people whispering to each other for hours and then some silly challenge like, who can pull the most stones out of a stuffed alligator, with some product tie-in.
Joel McHale is so money, he should be printed on money.
It's important to have the right agent - people that are working hard for you. But an actor needs to be in control of their career no matter how good the representation is.
You have to have talent. You have to get the audition and then you have to nail the audition.
Once you've been booked, people in Hollywood say, 'Oh he must be good.' All the while you're the same actor.
I don't think the NFL had the slightest intention of taking me, except as maybe a water boy.
Netflix is just wonderful.
