Captain Steven Hiller: [talking to the unconscious alien he's dragging] Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, actin' all big and bad...
[yells]
Captain Steven
Hiller: and what the hell is that smell?
[starts kicking the alien, yelling]
Captain Steven Hiller: I could've been at a barbecue!
[kicks the alien one last time and calms down]
Captain Steven Hiller: But I ain't mad.
Captain Steven Hiller: [walking toward crashed alien plane] THAT'S RIGHT! THAT'S RIGHT! That's what you get! Look at you, ship all *banged* up! Who's the man? Huh? Who's the man? Wait till I get another plane! I'm-a line all your friends up right beside you!
Captain Steven Hiller: [climbs on top of alien plane] Where you at, huh? Huh? Where you at?
Captain Steven Hiller: [Hiller opens the spaceship. An alien pops up, and Hiller punches it in the head, knocking it back into the ship]
Captain Steven Hiller: Welcome to earth!
Captain Steven Hiller: [sits on alien plane and puts cigar in mouth] Now that's what *I* call a close encounter.
Russel Casse: [Russell's final missile malfunctions] Do me a favor. Tell my children... I love them very much.
[Sets a collision course]
Russel Casse: All right, you alien assholes! In the words of my generation: Up... YOURS!
President Thomas Whitmore: Good luck, buddy!
Russel Casse: Ha-ha-ha! Hello,
boys! I'm BAAAAAACK!
[His plane crashes into the unshielded alien ship, destroying it]
Gen. Gray: Are you all right?
President Thomas Whitmore: I saw... its thoughts. I saw what they're planning to do. They're like locusts. They're moving from planet to planet... their whole civilization. After they've consumed every natural resource they move on... and we're next. Nuke 'em. Let's nuke the bastards.
[Hiller and Levinson are about to launch the bomb, knowing they can't escape. They both wave to the alien watching them]
David Levinson: Hey, take a look at the Earthlings. Goodbye!
Captain Steven Hiller: Y'all take care, all right? Nothing but love for ya. Nothing but love for ya.
Captain Steven Hiller: [to David] You think
they have any idea what's about to happen to them?
David Levinson: Not a chance in hell. Goodnight!
Captain Steven Hiller: PEACE!
[launches the bomb]
Julius Levinson: You punched the President?
David Levinson: He wasn't the President *yet*!
David Levinson: We're hit! We took a hit!
Captain Steven Hiller: [yelling] We're not hit! We're not hit! Stop side-seat driving!
David Levinson: [trying to make a break for the exit] Left! Left! Tunnel! Tunnel! Exit! Exit! Left!
Captain Steven Hiller: Where the hell do you think I'm going?
David
Levinson: Ok, ok. We're we're we're uh...
[indicating they were communicating]
David Levinson: Uh oh, they're closing up on us... they're closing...
Captain Steven Hiller: Shut up, shut up, shut up!
David Levinson: Must go faster. Must go faster! Must go faster! Go, go, go, go!
[escapes from the alien
ship]
David Levinson: [screaming]
Captain Steven Hiller: Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!
Captain Steven Hiller: Oh! Elvis has left the building!
David Levinson: [in Elvis voice] Oh, thank you very much.
[in his own voice]
David Levinson: Oh, I love you man!
Julius Levinson: Hey, hey, hey, don't you tell him to shut up! You'd all be dead now if it weren't for my David! None of you did anything to prevent this!
Gen. Gray: There was nothing we could do! We were totally unprepared for...
Julius Levinson: AAAHHH, don't give me unprepared! You knew about this for years! What,with that
spaceship you found in New Mexico! What was it called... Roswell, New Mexico! And that other place... uh... Area 51, Area 51! You knew then! And you did nothing!
President Thomas Whitmore: Mr. Levinson, contrary to what you may have read in the tabloids, there is no Area 51. There is no spaceship...
Albert Nimzicki: Uh... excuse me, Mr. President?
That's not entirely accurate.
David Levinson: What, which part?
Captain Steven Hiller: [after reversing into the rear wall] Oops.
David Levinson: W-what do you mean, oops?
Captain Steven Hiller: Some jerk put this...
[Turns the piece of paper round]
Captain Steven Hiller: the wrong way round.
David Levinson: Don't say "oops".
Captain Steven Hiller: What do you say we try that again?
David Levinson: Yes, yes. Yes. Without the "oops". Thataway.
[Points forward]
Marty Gilbert: A countdown... wait, a countdown to what David?
David Levinson: It's like in chess: First, you strategically position your pieces and when the timing is right you strike. They're using this signal to syncronize their efforts and in 5 hours the countdown will be over.
Marty Gilbert: And then what?
David
Levinson: Checkmate.
Marty Gilbert: Oh, my God. I gotta call my brother, my housekeeper, my lawyer. Nah, forget my lawyer.
Area 51 Guard: I'm sorry, Captain. This is a restricted area. I can't let you pass without clearance.
Captain Steven Hiller: Okay. Come here. You wanna see my clearance?
[shows the guard the alien wrapped up in a parachute. Guard jumps back]
Captain Steven Hiller: Maybe I'll just leave this here with you.
Area
51 Guard: [to other guard blocking entrance] Let them pass! Let them pass!
Captain Steven Hiller: [to other guard blocking entrance] Get the hell out the way!
Area 51 Guard: [to the other guard, freaked out] Did you see that?