Hitch Quotes

Hitch: [practicing kissing technique with Albert, as Allegra] I had a really nice time tonight, Albert.
Albert: I had a... great time, too, Allegra... with a beard.
[Albert leans in for a kiss, but stops when Hitch rolls his eyes]
Albert: What's up?
Hitch: I'm not feeling it.

Albert: What do you mean? I... I came ninety.
Hitch: I'm just not feeling like you want it. Look, I'm Allegra Cole. The woman of your dreams. The woman whose green eyes are limpid pools of desire. Now show me the magic, Albert. Show me the ma...
[Albert kisses Hitch]
Hitch: What the hell was that?

Albert: I'm showing you the magic!
Hitch: No, I said come ninety and then *I'll* come ten! You don't go the whole hundred! My mouth was open, Albert! You overeager son-of-a... blech!
[Hitch walks away]
Albert: Other than that, how was it?

Albert: You know, honestly, I never knew I could feel like this. You know? I swear I'm going out of my mind. It's like I want to throw myself off of every building in New York. I see a cab and I just wanna dive in front of it because then I'll stop thinking about her.
Hitch: Look, you will. Just give it time.
Albert: That's just it.

I don't want to. I mean, I've waited my whole life to feel this miserable. I mean, and if this is the only way I can stay connected with her, then... well, this is who I have to be.

Hitch: All right, come on, just... show me what you got.
Albert: What do you... what do you mean?
Hitch: Just show me how you would kiss me.
Albert: Well, I... *wouldn't* kiss you.
Hitch: I'm not me. I'm Allegra.
Albert: [frowns] But you're really not.

Hitch: Okay, Albert. End of the night, you're dropping me off at home. Show me the magic.
Albert: Yeah. You know, I'm really not comfortable with this...
Hitch: [grabs Albert's hand, pretends to be Allegra] Albert, I had such a wonderful time with you!
Albert: Yeah. How about those Knicks, huh?

Hitch: [reaches for his keys] See what I'm doing? All right? This is a signal, okay? I'm fiddling with my keys, all right? A woman who doesn't want to kiss takes her keys out, puts them in the door, goes in the house. A woman that wants to kiss, she fiddles.
[jingles the keys]
Hitch: I'm fiddling.

Cressida Baylor: [Deleted Scene]
[Cressida runs into Hitch at a cafe]
Cressida Baylor: Adam?
Hitch: Oh *shit!* Alex.
Cressida Baylor: Alex! Right, of course, Jesus. Oh my God, look at you!
[Hitch chuckles uncomfortably]
Cressida Baylor: You don't remember me, do you?

Hitch: Um, Cressida right?
Cressida Baylor: Wow! God, what's it been, like ten... twelve years?
Hitch: Fourteen? Couple months?
Cressida Baylor: This is so - Wow!
[hugs him]
Cressida Baylor: How are you?
Hitch: I'm good. I'm good. I'm... I'm just good.

Cressida Baylor: Wow, you look *amazing!*
Hitch: Thank you. Thank you.
Cressida Baylor: Do you live around here?
Hitch: Yes, actually I live just down - Nope.
[she stares, confused]
Hitch: So what brings you to town?
Cressida Baylor: Oh well, I'm at

Sotheby's London and Russell Simmons is one of my biggest clients.
Hitch: Okay, big timer.
Cressida Baylor: I'm actually staying over at the Soho House.
[long awkward silence]
Cressida Baylor: Uh listen. Maybe you can help me. I need a great restaurant. I've got these other buyers I'm meeting for lunch and I tried

Nouveau but there was a two week wait!
Hitch: [starts dialing a number on his cell] Kim? Hitch. Can you do a reservation for a party of...
[Cressida shows three fingers]
Hitch: three at about...
[she holds up one finger]
Hitch: one o'clock? Last name Baylor. And take very good care of her. She's an old friend.

Buh-bye.
Cressida Baylor: Well I guess you're the man to know!
Hitch: Yeah that's me - *Adam* Hitchens.
Cressida Baylor: You are so silly!
[playfully hits his leg]
Hitch: [looking to end the conversation] Thanks for the paper.
[gets up and walks away]
Cressida

Baylor: Oh, yeah, well...
[gets up to follow him]
Cressida Baylor: Alex! Uh, listen. Russell's hosting this black tie thing at the Guggenheim and... I don't have a date.
Hitch: That's very very tempting.
[continues to leave]
Cressida Baylor: [shouts after him] Well, call me! I'm at the Soho House.

Hitch: Yeah, you said that.
[exits]

Chip: I noticed your glass was getting a little low so I took the liberty of bringing you another apple martini.
Sara: [bemused] Thank you.
Chip: And I couldn't help but notice... you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
Sara: What's your name?
Chip: They call me Chip.

Sara: Aww, you can't get them to stop?
Chip: [laughs] That was funny.
Sara: Listen, Chip, I understand the courage it takes to walk across a room and try to generate a relationship out of thin air, so don't take the following personally...
Chip: You have fantastic eyes.
Sara: [chuckles]

Thanks, try to listen. I... uh, this is no reflection on you, I'm just not interested. But thank you for the compliment of coming over.
Chip: You're welcome. So, do you like Cuban food?
Sara: Chip, seriously, that wasn't code for "I wish you'd try harder".
Chip: Are you always so shut down and afraid? That the right man might

make you feel...
Hitch: [puts a hand on Chip's shoulder] ... Feel like a natural woman?
[laughs]
Hitch: Sorry, I'm late, honey, I couldn't get a cab. How was the meeting?
Sara: Ooh. Well, there was a beginning, a middle... and an end. Nice to meet you, Chip.
Chip: [stands up to walk away] You,

too.

Hitch: Heard of Michelangelo? Heard of the Sistine Chapel?
Albert: Yeah?
[Points at himself]
Hitch: Michelangelo.
[Points at Albert]
Hitch: Sistine Chapel.
Albert: So you're saying you can make this work?
Hitch: My name is Alex Hitchens. Let's go

paint that ceiling.