I've so exceeded what I ever wanted to do.
All these people I interview are worth ten times what I'm worth.
My mobile rang around lunchtime one day, and it was George Michael. He wanted to come in on Friday. We were like, 'okay, if that's what you want'. And he was a very good guest. That's a real exception to the rule.
Do I have more depth than I'm given credit for? No!
Forty freaked me out. I didn't see it coming. My life was in a state of chaos - I was moving jobs and moving house - and it just hit me like a ton of bricks.
Occasionally the state of the planet can knock me off my perky perch.
It sounds deeply shallow, but for brief spells every member of the public can be fascinating.
All my day is spent dealing with other people. When I come home I like it to be empty. The presence of others in my house kind of annoys me. I love coming home and shutting the doors. I feel brain dead. I'm relatively available, but not to live with.
My ambition was to stop waiting tables. That was how I measured success: finally, I was able to stop waiting tables, and I was able to pay the rent, and that was by being a stand-up comic. Not a very good stand-up comic, but good enough to make a living.
Some people think they're depressed and they go to the doctor and want pills. And you just think: 'You hate where you live, you've lost your job, your boyfriend has dumped you, could all this be why you're depressed?'
I always say I'd rather be miserable by myself than unhappy in a relationship.
I was a failed actor but I still wanted to show off, so I ended up doing live comedy.
Where I get bored is when I show up for a shoot and they want me to wear a feather boa. Too obvious a thing for a poof on the telly to do.
I loved Lucille Ball growing up.
I've heard other gay people say when they were growing up they felt 'foreign.' Growing up, I was able to label these feelings as: 'I'm a Protestant.' It wasn't until I left, I thought: 'Oh, those weren't Protestant feelings.'
Tolerance is forced on people in London.
Basically, I'm a really bad interviewer. I love meeting celebrities, but then I get a bit bored. Once you meet them you thing, 'really, what an ordinary person'.
Straight men just can't imagine the bliss of being in a relationship with someone who finds farting as funny as they do.
I'm often dating people, but I don't say it because you sort of know it won't last long.
I don't think I've got bad taste. I've got no taste.
