Louis Tully: Your Honor, ladies and gentleman of the audience, I don't think it's fair to call my clients frauds. Sure, the blackout was a big problem for everybody. I was trapped in an elevator for two hours and I had to make the whole time. But I don't blame them. Because one time, I turned into a dog and they helped me. Thank you.
[the courtroom is in bewildered silence]
Egon: Very good, Louis. Short, but pointless.
[Dana hands Oscar to Peter]
Dana: It's late, I really ought to put him down.
Peter Venkman: May I?
Dana: Yeah, if you want to.
Peter Venkman: [points in baby's face] You're short, your bellybutton sticks out too far, and you're a terrible burden on your poor mother.
Peter Venkman: You know, I have met some dumb blondes in my life, but you take the taco, pal! Only a *Carpathian* would come back to life now and choose New York! Tasty pick, bonehead! If you had brain one in that huge melon on top of your neck, you would be living the sweet life out in Southern California's beautiful San Fernando Valley!
Janosz: [passing by an assistant working at a desk] Everything you are doing is bad. I want you to know this.
Judge Wexler: [in the middle of persecuting the Ghostbusters he was attacked by the ghosts of two murderers he sentenced to the chair] You got to do something! Help me!
Ray: Don't talk to me; talk to my attorney.
Louis Tully: And that's me! My guys are still under a judicial mistrangement order... that blue thing I got from her! They
could be exposing themselves!
Peter Venkman: And you don't want us exposing ourselves!
Peter Venkman: [to Egon] Who told you to stop cutting? Somebody tell you to stop cutting?
First Cop: What are you guys doing here?
Peter Venkman: [to First Cop] You tell him to stop cutting?
First Cop: Yes, I told him to stop cutting. What are you doing?
Peter Venkman: What's it look
like we're doing here? Why don't you let us work? We let you work.
Ray: [to Peter] Hey, take it easy.
[to First Cop]
Ray: He's been working overtime. I'll tell you why we're here. We're here because some diaper bag downtown's being a jerk and making us work on a Friday night. Am I right, Peter?
Peter Venkman: Of course
you're right, Raymond.
[to Egon]
Peter Venkman: Is he right, Ziggy?
Egon: [pause] Yo!
Ray: [of the insulting birthday party kids] Ungrateful little yuppie larva. After everything we did for this city.
Winston: Yeah, we conjured up a hundred-foot marshmallow man, blew the top three floors off an uptown high-rise, and ended up getting sued by every city, county, and state agency in New York.
Ray: Yeah... but what a
ride.
Dana: How is he these days?
Egon: Peter? Well, he was borderline for a while... then he crossed the border.
Elaine: According to my source, the end of the world will be on February 14th, in the year two thousand and sixteen.
Peter Venkman: Valentine's Day. Bummer. Where'd you get your date, Elaine?
Elaine: I received this information from an alien. As I told my husband, it was in the Paramus Holiday Inn, I was having a drink at the bar,
alone, and this alien approached me. He started talking to me. He bought me a drink, and then I think he must have used some kind of a ray or a mind control device because he forced me to follow him to his room and that's where he told me about the end of the world.
Peter Venkman: So your alien had a room at the Holiday Inn, Paramus?
Elaine: It could
have been a room on the spaceship made to look like the hotel. I can't be sure about that, Peter.
Peter Venkman: [as the Mayor walks in]
[Raising his voice over the rest of the 'Busters]
Peter Venkman: Lenny. Big man.
The Mayor: The Ghostbusters.
Winston: Mr. Mayor?
[Holds out his hand, wanting to shake his hand]
The Mayor: What is this? A slumber party?
Ray: Well, that's why we wanted to see you.
The Mayor: Listen, *I* don't want to hear anything about it. You got 2 minutes. Make it good.
Ray: [Getting started] Well, first of all Mr. Mayor, it's a great pleasure to see you again, and you'll be happy to know that 50% of us voted for you in the last election.
The
Mayor: I appreciate that.
Peter Venkman: I'm sorry we have to meet under these circumstances.
Ray: Mr. Mayor, we're here tonight because a psychomagnatheric slimeflow of immense proprtions is building up beneath the city.
The Mayor: Psycho-what?
Egon: Psychomagnatheric.
Peter
Venkman: Big word, big word.
Egon: Negative human emotions that are forming into a vicious ectoplasm with *explosive* supernormal potential.
The Mayor: Can somebody speak english here?
Winston: Uh yeah. Your honor, what we're trying to say is all of the bad feelings. You know hate, anger and the vibes of the city are
turning into this *sludge*. I didn't believe in it either. But, we just went for a swim in it and end up almost killing each other.
Hardemeyer: [to the Mayor]
[Aggrivated]
Hardemeyer: This is insane! Do we *really* have to listen to this?
Peter Venkman: [to Hardemeyer] Can't you stop your lips from flapping for 2 little
minutes?
[to the Mayor]
Peter Venkman: Lenny, have you been out on the street lately, do you know weird it is out there? We've taken our own headcount, there seems to be 3 *million* completely miserable assholes living in the Tri-State area.
Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Please?
Peter Venkman: I beg your prdon, 3 million
and *one*.
Hardemeyer: Hey.
Ray: And what *fuggy brain* here doesn't realize, that if we don't do something fast this whole place is gonna blow like a frog on a hot plate.
Hardemeyer: [In disbelief] Yeah right.
The Mayor: What do you want me to do, go on television and tell 3 million people they have to
be *nice* to each other?
[Begins to walk off]
The Mayor: Being miserable and treating other people like dirt is every New Yorker's god-given right. Your 2 minutes are up, good night gentlemen.