It is also said of me that I now and then contradict myself. Yes, I improve wonderfully as time goes on.
It is only the cynicism that is born of success that is penetrating and valid.
A life spent in constant labor is a life wasted, save a man be such a fool as to regard a fulsome obituary notice as ample reward.
Whenever a man encounters a woman in a mood he doesn't understand, he wants to know if she's tired.
A man's wife is his compromise with the illusion of his first sweetheart.
I know many married men, I even know a few happily married men, but I don't know one who wouldn't fall down the first open coal hole running after the first pretty girl who gave him a wink.
A man admires a woman not for what she says, but what she listens to.
Criticism is the art of appraising others at one's own value.
The test of a real comedian is whether you laugh at him before he opens his mouth.
So long as there is one pretty girl left on the stage, the professional undertakers may hold up their burial of the theater.
