Gru: [reading book] "Three little kittens love to play. They had fun in the sun all day. Then their mother came out and said, 'Time for kittens to go to bed'."
[looks up]
Gru: Wow, this is garbage. You actually like this?
Edith: Are these beds made out of bombs?
Gru: Yes, but they are very old and highly unlikely to blow up. But try not to toss and turn.
Edith: Cool!
Edith: It was your cousin's idea!
Dave the Minion: *What*?
Gru: [to Miss Hattie] You are a beautiful woman. Do you speak Spanish?
Miss Hattie: Do I look like I speak Spanish?
Gru: You have a face... Como un burro.
Miss Hattie: Oh! Well, thank you!
Agnes: [singing] Unicorns, I love them. Unicorns, I love them. Uni uni unicorns, I love them. Uni unicorns, I could pet one if they were really real. And they are! So I bought one so I could pet it. Now it loves me, now I love it. La lala la la...
Edith: When we got adopted by a bald guy, I thought this would be more like Annie.
Gru: Assemble the minions!
Miss Hattie: I'm here for the girls. I recieved a call that you wanted to return them. And also, I did purchase a Spanish dictionary.
[Hits Gru with dictionary]
Miss Hattie: I didn't like what you said.
Gru: I went to kindergarten, I know how the alphabet works.
Edith: Can I drink this?
Dr. Nefario: Do you want to explode?
Gru: Okay, bedtime.
[the girls groan in disappointment, followed by the minions]
Gru: [points to Stuart and Jerry, the minions] Not you two.
[Jerry and Stuart cheer]
[Gru is showing Mr. Perkins his plans, using pictures on an easel]
Gru: I fly to the moon, I shrink the moon, I grab the moon, I sit on the toi-let what?
[sees a child's drawing in his plans, of himself sitting on a toilet, signed by Edith, the girls laugh off-screen]
Gru: Sorry. Sorry! Could you, uh, excuse me for just one second?
[repeated line]
Gru: Light bulb!
Gru: It's like my heart is a tooth, and it's got a cavity that can only be filled with children.
Agnes: Just one more! I accidentally closed my eyes.
