Mary Alice: It's a rare man that understands the value of a perfect rose.
Bree: Girls, you don't understand. This poor kid is scared out of his mind.
Gabrielle: Oh, for God's sake, Bree. You're a woman. Manipulate him. That's what we do.
Bree: But how?
Gabrielle: I don't know. How did you usually manipulate Rex?
[Bree thinks about it, and smiles]
Karl: The heart wants what it wants!
Susan: Yeah, well, my heart wants to hurt you, but I'm able to control myself!
Julie: [mocking Susan] Dear diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive.
Susan: Shut up.
Gabrielle: Damn it, John! What's our new rule?
John Rowland: [sadly] Stop pretending we have a future.
John Rowland: What other option do you have? Except return the shoes and get your money back.
Gabrielle: Return the shoes? I can't talk to you when you're hysterical.
Bree: [Rex has just admitted that he is a masochist] What the hell did your mother do to you?
Rex: So, these "tennis lessons" we're taking, how are we doing?
Bree: My backhand is improving greatly, but you're still having problems with your serve.
Nora Huntington: You think I'm crazy.
Lynette Scavo: No! You're... colorful. Colorful in a way that might respond to medication.
Susan: Hey, Edie!
Edie: Wow, get a load of you. You look so pretty. I hardly recognize you.
Bree: Okay, now I want you to hold the gun like you're holding a beautiful white dove. Hold it firmly enough that it can't get away, but not so firmly that you can kill it.
Mr. Shaw: Sometimes evil drives a minivan.
Susan: Every time we went out for pizza you could have said, "Hey, I once killed a man".
Bree: [sighting down the P-08 Luger she has been given] George! This is so much better than an orchid!
John Rowland: This is great. Got tons of homework tonight. It's always easier to concentrate after sex.
Gabrielle: Well, I'm glad I could help. Education's very important.
Susan: Do you believe in evil, Edie?
Edie: Of course I believe in evil - I work in real estate.
Bree: [to Rex] When is your midlife crisis going to end, because it's really starting to tick me off!
Bree: [final words to Rex] You look magnificent.
