Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Martha: Simon.
Simon: [from behind the locked bathroom door] Simon.
Martha: Simon!
Simon: Simon.
Martha: Si!
Simon: ...Mon.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Daniel: [looks into coffin] Who is this?
Undertaker: Pardon me?
Daniel: That's not my father.
Undertaker: [checking] Oh shit, we've taken the wrong one.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Daniel: My father was an exceptional man!
[pause]
Daniel: He may not have been a perfect man, but he was a good man, and he loved us. All I wanted to do today was to give him a dignified send-off. Is that really so much to ask? So, maybe, maybe he had some things he liked to do. Life isn't simple, it's complicated. We're all just thrown in here

together, in a world full of chaos and confusion, a world full of questions and no answers, death always lingering around the corner, and we do our best. We can only do our best, and my dad did his best. He always tried to tell me that you have to go for what you want in life because you never know how long you're going to be here. And whether you succeed or you fail, the most important thing is

to have tried. And apparently no one will guide you in the right direction, in the end you have to learn for yourself. You have to grow up yourself. So when you all leave here today, I would like you to remember my father for who he really was: a decent, loving man. If only we could be as giving and generous and as understanding as my father was. Then the world would be a far better place.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Simon: [unravelling a roll of toilet paper] Go, go! Join the others!

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

[last lines]
Uncle Alfie: [on the roof, naked and high] Everything's so fucking green.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Jane: Would you like a cup of tea, Sandra?
Sandra: Tea can do many things, Jane, but it can't bring back the dead.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Martha: What did you just say?
Troy: I said the Valium you gave to Simon wasn't actually Valium. It's an hallucinogenic concoction. You know, stuff like acid, mescaline, a little ketamine.
Martha: This isn't funny, Troy.
Troy: I'm not being funny. Look at him. He's off his tits!
Martha:

You absolute little twat! What the hell are you doing leaving this stuff around your flat?
Troy: I didn't know someone was going to take it, did I? I mean who just goes into someone else's flat and takes random pills?
Martha: They were in a Valium bottle!

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Justin: You can't fight what we had together.
Martha: Justin, it was one night. It was a massive mistake. I was drunk out of my mind. You could have been a donkey!

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Simon: [the coffin starts moving] I knew it!

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

[repeated line]
Daniel: My father was an exceptional man...

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Robert: What are you doing in my dad's coffin?

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Uncle Alfie: I'm about to shit in my trousers.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Simon: [hallucinating] Was there a dog in here just now?

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Troy: If he jumps, I'm fucked.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Simon: Why are my hands so big?

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

[first lines]
Daniel: [giving instructions to the pallbearers] Just, uh, straight through there and to the left, please.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Robert: [staring at coffin] Well, this is bloody grim, isn't it?

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Justin: [jauntily] Hey, you look nice.
Martha: I'm dressed for a funeral.

Death at a Funeral
Death at a Funeral

Martha: We're on our way to a funeral, you wanker! Don't you have any respect?