Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Deadpool: [while "dying"] Can you see it? Do you see that beautiful bright light? There it is.
[dramatic pause]
Deadpool: Oh, that's the sun. Don't stare directly into that.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

[last lines]
Ryan Reynolds: [to himself, holding the Green Lantern script] You're in the big leagues now, kid!
[blood splatters on the script and cuts to Reynolds' face with a gunshot wound in the forehead, he drops revealing Deadpool behind him with a gun]
Deadpool: [to the camera] You're welcome, Canada.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Domino: They're headed into the tunnel.
Deadpool: I'm that kid's only hope, so sit tight and wait for my word.
Domino: Whatever. We're gonna lose 'em. I'm dropping in.
Deadpool: Uh, that's a negative, sole survivor. Luck is not a superpower! We are so fucked!
Deadpool: No, we are most

certainly not fucked.
Deadpool: Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just hard to picture. And certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked-out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw feet!

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Wade Wilson: I loved her. I loved her like an ocean loves water.
Weasel: An ocean is water.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Peter: [putting lotion on face] I don't know much about this Cable fella, but I guarantee you he hasn't killed as many people as melanoma has.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Firefist: What do you say we go fuck some shit up?
Juggernaut: Let's Fuck Some Shit Up is my legal middle name.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Deadpool: I don't know how to thank you, but I do know how to hug you.
Cable: No.
Deadpool: [gets closer to Cable] Yes. Here we go. Bring it in.
[hugging Cable]
Deadpool: Come on. Pelvis to pelvis. Let's go tip to tip. There we go, the kids call this docking.
[hears a knife open]

Deadpool: Is there a knife in my dick?
Cable: There's a knife in your dick, yeah.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Deadpool: Fuck it. Superhero landing comin' up.
[jumps out of building and lands on knees]
Deadpool: Ooh! Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. That is *so* not practical.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Cable: There's nothing I can't kill.
Deadpool: Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... "There's a first time for everything,son." Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy.
[cuts down one bullet then gets riddled by more bullets]
Deadpool: Those bullets were, like, super fast.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Colossus: We have rules. You are not judge, jury or executioner.
Deadpool: Fuck your rules! I fight for what's right, and sometimes you gotta fight dirty.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Deadpool: I know what you're thinking: "I'm so glad I left the kiddos at home." But that's where you'd be wrong. That babysitter of yours is high as fuck right now. And believe it or not, Deadpool 2 is a family film. True story. And every big family film starts... with a vicious murder. Bambi, The Lion King, Saw 7.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Firefist: [trying to get the collar off of Deadpool's neck] We need a code.
Domino: Try, uh... seven?
Deadpool: Settle down, Captain Lucky, it's not gonna be one number.
[Firefist presses the number 7 and unlocks the collar]
Deadpool: God, that's lazy writing.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Tenors, Basses: [singing] You can't stop him / Ah-ah-ah-ah / You can't stop this / Motherfucker!
Sopranos, Altos: [singing] Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs... / Holy... shitballs...

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Black Tom: I'm Black Tom Cassidy.
Wade Wilson: White Wade Wilson.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Deadpool: And that's why "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" is pure pornography.
Dopinder: Wow!
Domino: I really should have stayed in college...

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Deadpool: So, what exactly do you do in the future, anyway, huh? Some kind of soldier?
Cable: Yeah, something like that.
Deadpool: I was a soldier. Special Forces. I bet fifty years from now we'll be bestest buddies.
Cable: Fifty years from now you'll be very dead. Your entire generation will fuck this planet

into a coma.
Deadpool: Boom!
[makes exploding sound]
Deadpool: Spoiler alert. Ha ha! Ah, planets.
Domino: [whispers to herself] Next time Uber.
Cable: Here's a spoiler alert. You're not a fucking hero. You're just an annoying clown dressed up as a sex toy.
Deadpool: Well,

I got news for you, my heart is in the right place. Russell's not gonna kill anyone. Because of me, he's gonna know what real love is.
Cable: Because of you, I'll always know what a grown man with baby balls looks like.
Deadpool: I'm a grower, not a shower.
Domino: I should've finished college.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

[talking about Deadpool 2]
Wade Wilson: It lives up to the hype, *plus plus.*
Weasel: Fuck it. They probably won't even make a 3.
Wade Wilson: Yeah, why would they? Stop at 2, ya killed it!
[they both laugh]

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

[after Wade's legs were torn off, they're growing back and look like toddler legs. Weasel walks in on him sitting on the couch with no pants on next to Blind Al]
Weasel: Why wouldn't you cover that up?
Wade Wilson: A warrior has nothing to be ashamed of.
Weasel: Yeah, but you do. I mean, look at you, you're just straight

shirt-cocking it? Toddler style?
Wade Wilson: Oh yeah. Full Winnie the Pooh.
Blind Al: The hell's happening? Describe it.
Wade Wilson: I wouldn't ask him to do that if I were you.
Weasel: It's like, um...
Wade Wilson: Here we go.
Weasel: It's like he was

giving birth anally but they quit halfway through. They got the legs out and said "You know what? I'm done."
Wade Wilson: [to Blind Al] Happy?
Weasel: It's like he's a Muppet from the waist down, but this time, you can see the Muppet's dick. Grover's got a cock the size of a...
[Dopinder comes in]
Dopinder: AH! Oh, no,

no, no, DP, not again.
Weasel: This has happened before?
[Dopinder starts gagging]
Weasel: Jesus, either vomit or don't. The indecision is killing me.
Blind Al: Why couldn't God take my hearing?

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

[first lines]
Deadpool: Fuck Wolverine. First he rides my coattails with the R-rating, and then, that hairy motherfucker ups the ante by dying. What a dick. Well, guess what, Wolvie? I'm dying in this one, too.

Deadpool 2
Deadpool 2

Juggernaut: I'm gonna rip you in half now.
Deadpool: That is such a Juggernaut thing to say!