Cable: Dubstep's for pussies!
Wade Wilson: You're so dark. Are you sure you're not from the DC universe?
Deadpool: [to Cable] Zip it, Thanos!
Cable: Who are you?
Wade Wilson: I'm Batman.
Wade Wilson: With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow and I'm basically Hawkeye.
Wade Wilson: Sorry I'm late. There was a bunch of handicapable children stuck in a tree. I had to...
Vanessa: Uh-uh.
Wade Wilson: You're right. I was fighting a caped badass, but then we discovered that his mom is named Martha, too.
Cable: I use a device to slide through time. The longer I travel, the harder it is to control. I got two charges: One to get me here, one to get me home.
Wade Wilson: [looks at the camera] Well, that's just lazy writing.
Wade Wilson: [to Vanessa] I hope we sharpened the cream cheese spreader.
[Wade throws the spreader into the gunman's head, killing him]
Wade Wilson: [turns on time-travel device] I'll be right back. We're definitely naming our kid Cher!
Cable: You remind me of my wife.
Wade Wilson: I'm sorry?
Cable: I said you remind me...
Wade Wilson: No, I'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm.
Blind Al: Listen to the pain. It's both history teacher and fortune teller. Pain teaches us who we are, Wade. Sometimes it's so bad we feel like we're dying, but we can't really live until we die a little, can we?
Deadpool: Only best buddies execute pedophiles together.
Cable: I'm retrieving something from my utility bag.
Weasel: It's a goddamn fanny pack and you know it, you sick son of a bitch! The difference is night and day.
Deadpool: [fighting the Juggernaut] Hey, big guy, the sun's getting real low.
Deadpool: I don't speak Cantonese, Mr...
[looks at card, then tosses it]
Deadpool: Well, I'm not even going to attempt that. But I did take eighth grade Spanish, so donde esta la biblioteca? Which literally translates to: I don't bargain, pumpkin-fucker.
Firefist: Stay back or Justin Bieber dies!
Deadpool: [to Negasonic Teenage Warhead] Ha! Justin Bieber. He called you Justin Bieber.
Deadpool: You know what we need to do? We need to build a fucking team. We need 'em tough, morally flexible, and young enough so they can carry this franchise 10-12 years.
Dopinder: My body is an instrument of death.
Deadpool: Not now, Dopinder.
Deadpool: [to Cable] You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch!
Deadpool: Any powers you wanna tell us about? Any, uh...
Peter: No. I don't have one. Um, I just saw the ad. I thought it looked fun.
Deadpool: ...You're in.
Dopinder: [in the background, throws a box of supplies] FUCK!
Deadpool: Cable, you get back to your family and you tell them Wade says hi. And promise me, promise me one thing: that you'll start judging people not by the color of the skin but by the content of their character.
Cable: Jesus...
