[last lines]
Al Czervik: Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!
Al Czervik: Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity.
Ty Webb: Don't be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, 'A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.' He was a funny guy.
Al Czervik: Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?
[looks at Judge Smails, who's wearing the same hat]
Al Czervik: Oh, it looks good on you though.
Ty Webb: You take drugs, Danny?
Danny Noonan: Everyday.
Ty Webb: Good.
Al Czervik: Hey, loosen up, will ya? You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?
Al Czervik: [to his Asian companion] I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?
Spalding Smails: I want a hamburger... no, cheeseburger. I want a hot dog. I want a milkshake. I want potato chips. I want...
[gets cut off by Judge Smails, who grabs him by the arms and yanks him to their table]
Judge Smails: You'll get nothing, and like it!
Judge Smails: You know, you should play with Dr. Beeper and myself. I mean, he's been club champion for three years running and I'm no slouch myself.
Ty Webb: Don't sell yourself short Judge, you're a tremendous slouch.
Carl Spackler: [preparing to dynamite the gopher tunnel] In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, 'Au revoir, gopher'.
Carl Spackler: This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.
Al Czervik: Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low grade dog food. I've had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.
Judge Smails: I've sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn't want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.
Judge Smails: Spaulding, get dressed you're playing golf.
Spalding Smails: No I'm not grandpa I'm playing tennis.
Judge Smails: You're playing golf and you're going to like it.
Spalding Smails: What about my asthma?
Judge Smails: I'll give you asthma.
Al Czervik: [after an airplane passes just above his head] I almost got head from Amelia Earhart!
Al Czervik: Look at that one. The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Al Czervik: [breaks wind at a dinner] Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?
