Burn After Reading Quotes

Harry Pfarrer: Ya wanna come downstairs? Ya like surprises?
Linda Litzke: [cheerful] Well, I'm always open to new experiences.
Harry Pfarrer: [walking downstairs] Yeah, I tell ya. I saw an ad for this in a gentlemen's magazine. Twelve hundred bucks. I'm lookin' at this thing and I think, 'You gotta be kiddin' me.' I'm a hobbyist.

Thing's basically nothing but speed rails. I figure I'd go down to Home Depot and whip this up myself for... a hundred bucks.
Linda Litzke: What is it?
Harry Pfarrer: What is it?
[pats the seat of the mechanism]
Harry Pfarrer: You sit down there, make yourself comfortable, put your feet in the stirrups, and...

[cycles the mechanism]
Linda Litzke: Oh my God.
[awed whisper]
Linda Litzke: That's fantastic.
Harry Pfarrer: It's something, isn't it? Hundred bucks, all in - not counting my labor, and the... cost of the dildo. Those things aren't cheap. See, I'd like to...
[pause]
Harry Pfarrer: ...I'm

not set up to mold hard rubber.

Osbourne Cox: Some clown, or two clowns, have gotten a hold of my memoirs.
Katie Cox: Your what?
Osbourne Cox: Stolen it, or I don't know...
Katie Cox: Your what?
Osbourne Cox: My memoirs, the book I'm writing.
Katie Cox: Well why in God's name would anyone think

that's worth anything?

CIA Superior: For now just keep an eye on everyone. See what they do.
CIA Officer: Yes, sir. And we'll interface with the FBI on this dead body.
CIA Superior: No, no. God no. We don't want those idiots bumbling around in this. Burn the body. Get rid of it. And, uh, keep an eye on everyone. See what they do. Report back to me when,

uh, I don't know, when it makes sense.

Ted Treffon: You're a beautiful woman. You don't need...
Linda Litzke: I've gone about as far as I can go with this body, Ted.
Ted Treffon: I think it's a beautiful - It's not a phony-baloney Hollywood body.
Linda Litzke: That's right Ted, I would be laughed out of Hollywood. I have very limited breasts, a

ginormous ass, and I've got this gut that swings back and forth in front of me like a shopping cart with a bent wheel.
Ted Treffon: You know, there a lot of guys out there who would like you just the way you are.
Linda Litzke: Yeah, losers.

Linda Litzke: I'm really looking for a guy with a sense of humor.
Chad Feldheimer: That guy, wait, that guy wasn't bad.
Linda Litzke: Him?
Chad Feldheimer: No before.
Linda Litzke: Him?
Chad Feldheimer: Umm, he might not be a loser...
Linda

Litzke: How can you tell?
Chad Feldheimer: That's a Brioni suit.
Linda Litzke: Yeah?
Chad Feldheimer: Shit yeah!
Linda Litzke: Does he look like he would have a sense of humor?
Chad Feldheimer: Looks like his optometrist has a sense of humor.