Bruce: God is a mean kid sitting on an anthill with a magnifying glass, and I'm the ant. He could fix my life in five minutes if He wanted to, but he'd rather burn off my feelers and watch me squirm.
Bruce: What if I need you? What if I have questions?
God: That's your problem, Bruce. That's everybody's problem. You keep looking up.
Grace: I'll be out in a minute!
Bruce: Don't rush yourself! Sometimes anticipation can heighten the... pleasure.
[Growls]
Grace: [Grace's vagina is filled with pleasure, and her knees buckle, causing her to hold onto the sink for support] Oh God! Oh!
Bruce: It's a funny thing about pleasure.
Grace: Wow.
Bruce: It can be quite...
[yells]
Bruce: PLEASURABLE!
Grace: [Grace's vagina is filled with even more pleasure, and she falls onto the toilet seat, knocking over several bottles as she does] Oh my God.
Bruce: [Bruce thrusts his hands in Grace's direction, and starts
sending pleasure to her with his mind] Pleasuring pleasurable pleasuring...
Grace: [Grace writhes in sexual ecstasy on the seat, as she suddenly has the most powerful orgasm of her life] Oh God!
[Moaning]
Grace: Oh Good God!
[She collapses onto the floor, overcome with sexual delight]
Bruce: ...pleasurable
pleasure.
[the bathroom door opens, and Bruce quickly stops chanting, and adopts a casual pose. Grace is stood in the doorway, using it for support. She runs at Bruce, who grabs her by the ass, and throws her down onto the bed]
Grace: [Outside their apartment, we see their lights flickering, and hear Grace's loud moans of sexual bliss]
Bruce:
[Bruce cries out triumphantly]
Bruce: [standing on the top of a skyscraper in a storm] I am Bruce Almighty! My will be done!
Bruce: [footage shows Buffalo's Largest Cookie arriving outside Kowolski's Bakery; The Bakers help measure the cookie; as "Reporter"] The previous Buffalo record was 8 feet, 7 inches, baked by Gladys Pelnick. If this beats Galdys', it will prove once and for all that the Kowolskis have much more free time. And the cookie is... 10 feet, 4 inches.
Bruce:
[Everyone cheers] We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.
[Short montage: Set to the Theme of "Chariots of Fire", everyone enjoys portions of the cookie and free milk. The Reporter pours milks while running]
Bruce: [as the camera looks at the Kowolskis for the seconds at one point] But what are we really looking at here? Is it just a big cookie, or
does this cookie represent the pride of Buffalo, its dedicated and hardworking citizens the key ingredient, with a few nuts thrown in, and, finally, the love of our families, which provides the warm, chewy center, making out beloved Buffalo, the sweetest place to live. And that's the way the cookie crumbles. I'm Bruce Nolan, Eyewitness News.
Bruce: So tell us mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
Mama Kowolski: Well, man from health department say he find rat pellet in pastry but I say no, is big chocolate sprinkle, but he shut store down. So we clean up, make big cookie for to bring customers back.
Bruce: Let's try that again, shall we?
Bruce:
[Beep-beep; New take] So tell us mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
Mama Kowolski: So all the children in the neighborhood will be happy?
Bruce: And isn't it nice to see all their smiling faces?
Vol Kowolski: I work in back. I see no smiles.
[Exasperated, Bruce tosses the mic to the counter]
Grace: Honey, hi , wow!
[Gasps as she looks up at the sky, seeing the moon, which Bruce has brought closer to the Earth]
Grace: I've never seen the moon that big!
Bruce: Yeah...
[Bruce starts running his hands through Grace's hair sensually]
Bruce: We really shouldn't waste it.
[Bruce and
Grace start making out passionately, as a divinely-caused meteor shower lights the sky behind them]
Bruce: Bedroom?
Grace: [Grace breaks the kiss] Five minutes!
[Grace runs into the bathroom to prepare for sex]