Helen's Stepson: I've seen better tennis playing in a tampon commercial.
Annie: Whatever you say 'Stove'.
Flight Attendant Steve: It's Steve.
Annie: 'Stove' what kind of a name is that?
Flight Attendant Steve: That's not a name. My name is Steve.
Annie: Are you an appliance?
Flight Attendant Steve: No I am a man, and my name is Steve.
Annie: You're a flight attendant.
Flight Attendant Steve: That is, absolutely accurate. You can close that.
Annie: [after Helen insists the flight attendant allow Annie to use her first class seat] Help me I'm poor.
Lillian: You remember my cousin, Rita.
Annie: Rita!
Rita: [hugs Annie] Annie, I haven't seen you since you graduated high school.
Lillian: She has three kids now.
Rita: Three boys.
Lillian: They're so cute.
Rita: They are cute, but when
they reach that age, ugh. Disgusting. They smell, they're sticky, they say things that are horrible, and there is semen all over everything. Disgusting. I cracked a BLANKET in half. Do you get where I'm going with this?
Annie: I do, yeah.
Rita: [gesturing] I cracked it in half!
Annie: Are you fucking kidding me?
Annie's Mom: Annie?
Annie: No, mom. Mother fucking Paris? I told you about Paris, Helen! I told you about this whole idea!
Lillian: Annie, calm down...
Annie: No, Lillian! What are you gonna go, you're gonna go to Paris with Helen now? What are you
gonna, you guys gonna ride around on bikes with berets and fucking baguettes in the basket on the front of your bikes? Oh how romantic! What woman gives another woman a trip to Paris? Am I right? Lesbian! We're all thinking it, aren't we?
Becca: [quickly] I'm not.
Megan: I was.
Annie: Okay! Yes, we're all thinking it, right?
Annie's Mom: Annie...
Annie: Lillian, this is not the you that I know! The you that I know would have walked in here and rolled your eyes and would have thought that this was completely over the top, ridiculous, and stupid! Look at this shower! Look at that *fucking* cookie! Did you really think that this group of women was gonna finish that cookie?
Really, and you know that reminds me actually; I never got a chance to try that *fucking* cookie!
[storms off]
Helen: I went to Thailand recently with my husband, Perry, and there's a beautiful saying that I learned there.
[Speaking Thai]
Helen: It means, "You are a part of me, a part that I could never live without. And I hope and I pray that I never have to." Khob-kun-Ka
[Bows to the crowd]
Helen: khob-kun-Ka, khob-kun-Ka. And
that's it for tonight! Thank you for coming!
Annie: [interjecting] Really quick!
Helen: Thank you all for coming. The dessert wine is out.
Annie: I just wanted to say really quick.
Helen: [calling out] Consuelo!
Annie: Really quick! Speaking of Consuelo, Lillian and I took
Spanish together in school. And so, I would just like to say to you and to everyone here, "Gracias para vivar en la casa, en la escuelas, en... en la azul... "markada". Tienes con "bibir" en las Fortuashla?" and gracias!
Ted: This is so awkward. I really want you to leave, but I don't know how to say it without sounding like a dick.