83 Being John Malkovich Quotes (2024) #3

Being John Malkovich

[Lotte comes home late at night]
Craig Schwartz: You were him, weren't you?
Lotte Schwartz: Yeah.
Craig Schwartz: And he was with her!
Lotte Schwartz: We love her, Craig.
Craig Schwartz: We?
Lotte Schwartz: John and me.

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: I was thinking about what you were saying the other day, about the orientation film being bullshit.
Maxine: Yes?
Craig Schwartz: I think maybe you're on to something.
Maxine: And fifty other lines to get into a girl's pants.

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: I like you, I don't know what it is about you.
Maxine: My tits?
Craig Schwartz: No! No, no, no.
Maxine: No?
Craig Schwartz: It's your energy, your attitude, you know, the way you carry yourself.
Maxine: You're not a fag, are you?

Craig Schwartz: No, I am really attracted to you.
Maxine: "No, I am really attracted to you", Christ, you are a fag. Okay, we can share recipes if you like, darling.
Craig Schwartz: No, no, I love your tits, love 'em. I want to fuck you!
Maxine: Great! Now we're gettin' somewhere. Not a chance.

Being John Malkovich

Dr. Lester: Nubile. Blondes. Wet with desire. Me in leather. A harness, if you like. And all eyes, Craig, are upon me, as I speak. "Ladies," I begin, "I am the love god Eros." They like that. "I intoxicate you. My spunk is to you manna from heaven."
Craig Schwartz: Dr. Lester, this is all very - fascinating and stuff, but, I gotta get back home and my

wife...
Dr. Lester: Oh, you have a wife! I'd like to meet her, Craig.
Craig Schwartz: Yes, sir.
Dr. Lester: Shall we say dinner Thursday? You can "come" too if you like.
[chuckles]
Dr. Lester: You get that? That was a joke! Did you hear what I said? You can "come" too. That was a joke.

Being John Malkovich

[Answering the phone]
Maxine: J.M. Inc.: Be all that someone else can be.

Being John Malkovich

Woman in Elevator: Seven and a half, right?
Craig Schwartz: Yuh.
Woman in Elevator: I'll take you through it.

Being John Malkovich

Voice of Heloise (Puppet): While we enjoy the pleasures on an uneasy love and abandon ourselves to fornication, we were spared God's severity.
Voice of Abelard (Puppet): Say no more. I beg you. And cease from complaints like these which are so far removed from the true depth of love.

Being John Malkovich

[first lines]
Lotte Schwartz: Craig, honey, it's time for bed.
[fade out and in]
Orrin Hatch the bird: Craig, honey, time to get up, Craig, honey, time to get up, Craig, honey, time to get up, Craig, honey, time to get up,
Craig Schwartz: Lotte...
Lotte Schwartz: I'm sorry. I didn't know Orrin Hatch was out of

his cage.

Being John Malkovich

Lotte Schwartz: We love her, Craig.
Craig Schwartz: We?
Lotte Schwartz: John and me.
Craig Schwartz: Don't forget about me!
Lotte Schwartz: Well you have a Maxine action figure to play with!

Being John Malkovich

Dr. Lester: Ah to be a young man again, eh, Schwartz?
[laughs]
Dr. Lester: Maybe then Floris would care for me.
Craig Schwartz: But the elderly have so much to offer, sir. they're our link with history.
Dr. Lester: I don't want to be your goddamn link, damn you. I want to feel Floris' naked thighs next

to mine. I want my body to inspire lust in that beautiful complex women. I want her to shiver with a spasm of ecstasy, Schwartz, as I penetrate her...
Craig Schwartz: Dr. Lester, while I'm flattered you would share your feeling with me, perhaps the workplace is not the most suitable environment for this type of discussion.
Dr. Lester: All right, your

right. All right I tell you what: Meet me after work today at Jerry's juiceteria on Lex, and I'll spill my goddamn guts for you.

Being John Malkovich

Voice of Heloise (Puppet): Even during the celebration of mass, when our prayers should be purer, lewd visions of these pleasures take such a hold upon my unhappy soul, that my thoughts are on the very wantonness instead of my prayers. Sometimes my thoughts are betrayed by the movement of my body.
Voice of Abelard (Puppet): I took my fill of my wretched pleasures in you and this was the sum

total of my love.

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: It's just a little mix up with your secretary. My name is Craig Schwartz. I tried to explain that to her.
Dr. Lester: She's not my secretary. She's what they call an executive liaison. And I am not *banging* her, if that's what you're implying.

Being John Malkovich

Maxine: Well, my nipples are at attention, General Malkovich, sir!

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: Do you know what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is?

Being John Malkovich

John Malkovich: I've gotta know the truth, Charlie.
Charlie: The truth is for suckers, Johnny boy.

Being John Malkovich

Craig Schwartz: Can I buy you a drink, Maxine?
Maxine: Are you married?
Craig Schwartz: Yes, but enough about me.

Being John Malkovich

Maxine: Tell me a little about yourself.
Craig Schwartz: Well, I'm a puppeteer...
Maxine: [turns to bartender] Check!

Being John Malkovich

Maxine: You're not someone I could get interested in, Craig. You play with dolls.
Craig Schwartz: Puppets, Maxine. You see, it's the idea of being inside someone else's skin and seeing what they see and feeling what they feel.
Maxine: Yeechs!