Alfred Pennyworth: I have no wish to fill my few remaining years grieving for the loss of old friends. Or their sons.
The Joker: My balloons. Those are my balloons. He stole my balloons! Why didn't somebody tell me he had one of those... things? Bob, gun.
[Bob hands him a gun, Joker shoots him]
The Joker: I'm gonna need a minute or two alone, boys.
The Joker: Sometimes I just kill myself!
Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces!
Vicki Vale: You're insane!
Joker: I thought I was a Pisces.
The Joker: I'm of a mind to make some mookie.
Knox: You know what they say? They say he can't be killed. They say he drinks blood. They say...
Eckhardt: I say... you're full of shit, Knox. Oh, uh, you can quote me on that.
Joker: Bob, I want you to go down to the globe. Follow that reporter Knox. Take your camera. See what he knows about this Batman. And Bob...
[imitates Grisson]
Joker: Remember... you... are my number one... guy!
[Joker reads the newspaper]
The Joker: "Winged freak terrorizes"? Wait till they get a load of me!
[reaches for a pair of glasses in his pocket and puts them on]
The Joker: You wouldn't hit a guy with glasses on, would you? Huh?
[Batman punches him]
Batman: You weigh a little more than a hundred and eight.
Vicki Vale: Oh really!
Batman: Let's go.
[about one of his suits of armor]
Bruce Wayne: It's Japanese.
Knox: How do you know?
Bruce Wayne: Because I bought it in Japan.
Bruce Wayne: You're a real nice girl, and I like you a lot, but right now, shut up.
Batman: You killed my parents.
The Joker: What? What? What are you talking about?
Batman: I made you, you made me first.
The Joker: Hey, bat-brain, I mean, I was a kid when I killed your parents. I mean, I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." I mean, how childish can you get?
Bruce Wayne: [Vicki goes to answer the front door; mouths] I'm Batman, I'm Batman.
The Joker: I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.
[Jack is primping in front of a mirror]
Alicia: You look fine.
Jack Napier: I didn't ask.
