Transvestite Store Clerk: Are you going to actually buy something this time, or are you just curious?
Tobias Fünke: Well, let's just say that I'm buy-curious.
Tobias Fünke: Michael, you are quite the cupid. You can stick an arrow in my buttocks any time.
Michael Bluth: [calling from prison, taking about his brother, Gob] I've got a nice hard cot with his name on it.
Lucille: You would do that to your brother?
Michael Bluth: I said "cot".
Gob: Hey, guy. They tell me you're the actor who plays Marta's brother, Tio.
Spanish actor: Como?
Gob: Oh, you're gonna be in a coma, all right.
Lucille: You tricked me.
Michael: I *deceived* you. "Tricked" makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.
Steve Holt: I've made a huge mistake.
Gob: I know the feeling. I had you. I'm your father, Steve Holt. I can't hide from it any more.
Steve Holt: I won't forget this... Dad.
Gob: [swallows roofie] I will. I will.
[repeated line after Buster gets a prosthetic hook]
Buster: I'm a monster.
Tobias Funke: Where the fuck are my hard-boiled eggs?
Michael: What do you think of when you hear the name, "Sudden Valley"?
George Michael Bluth: Salad dressing. But for some reason, I don't want to eat it.
Michael: What about, "Paradise Gardens"?
George Michael Bluth: Yeah... I can see marinating a chicken from that.
Michael Bluth: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason?
George Sr.: First time.
Michael Bluth: I've never heard of a second.
George Sr.: I got the worst
[bleep]
George Sr.: -ing attorneys.
[Lucille replaces Lupe with a robot vacuum cleaner, then catches Buster in bed with it]
Buster: Well, what do you expect, mother?
[holds up his hook]
Buster: I'm half machine. I'm a monster.
Michael: Are you serious?
Wayne Jarvis: Almost always. I was once voted the worst audience participant Cirque Du Soleil ever had.
Wayne Jarvis: I have a picture taken by a traffic camera of you escorting your father.
[hands it to Michael]
Barry Zuckerkorn: Are you sure these aren't balls? Because last time, they were balls.
Barry Zuckerkorn: [Barry is handed the picture of Michael and George Sr. in the stair car] I really wish they were balls.
Gob: I'm dating this Christian girl right now. She wants me to be honest and reconnect with my son. And I'm trying to get her to renounce God and fuck me, but I just want to prove to her that I'm worth it.
Gob: If I didn't have a live dove in my pants right now, I'd leap across the table and...
[he unzips his pants]
Gob: Ah, what the hell...
Michael: I think that's just as good of a time as any to end the meeting.
