Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Donald Kaufman: Hey, Charles. I pitched my script to mom.
Charlie Kaufman: Don't say pitch.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Susan Orlean: Can I ask you a personal question?
John Laroche: Look, we're not lost.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Amelia Kavan: I love you too, you know.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Donald Kaufman: A little push, push in the bush.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Charlie Kaufman: Today is the first day of the rest of my life

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Susan Orlean: Aww, I wish I were an ant. Awww, they're so shiny.
John Laroche: You're shinier than any ant darlin'
Susan Orlean: That's the sweetest thing anybody has EVER said to me.
John Laroche: Welp, I like ya', that's why.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Charlie Kaufman: I'm the guy you yelled at this morning.
Robert McKee: I need more.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Charlie Kaufman: [voice over] Okay, we open with Laroche. He's funny. Okay. He says, "I love to mutate plants". He says "Mutation is fun". Okay, we show flowers and... okay. We have to have the court case. Okay, we show Laroche. Okay, he says "I was mutated as a baby. That's why I'm so smart". That's funny. Okay, we open at the beginning of time. No! Okay, we open with Laroche.

He's driving into a swamp.
John Laroche: Crazy white man!
[Charlie screams]

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

John Laroche: Darling, I don't know what's come over you.
Susan Orlean: You came all over me last time I was here, as I recall.
John Laroche: My goodness.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Caroline Cunningham: It's like a brain factory in here.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Susan Orlean: John Leroche is a tall guy, skinny as a stick, pale eyes, slouch-shouldered, sharply handsome, despite the fact he's missing all his front teeth.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Donald Kaufman: Charles, you'll be glad. I have a plan to get me out of your house, pronto.
Charlie Kaufman: A job is a plan. Is your plan a job?
Donald Kaufman: Drum roll, please. I'm gonna be a screenwriter. Like you.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Marty: I'd fuck her up the ass!

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

John Laroche: [viewing an orchid at a flower show] Angraecum sesquipedale! A beauty! God! Darwin wrote about this one. Charles Darwin? Evolution guy? Hello? You see that nectary all the way down there? Darwin hypothesized a moth with a nose twelve inches long to pollinate it. Everyone thought he was a loon! Then, sure enough, they found this moth with a twelve-inch proboscis.

Proboscis means "nose," by the way.
Susan Orlean: I know what "proboscis" means.
John Laroche: Yeah, let's not get off the subject. This isn't a pissing contest!

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Susan Orlean: [stoned] Very happy now.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

John Laroche: [about himself] The smartest guy I know, huh?

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Matthew Osceola: I can see your sadness. It's lovely.
Susan Orlean: I'm just tired, that's all. That's my problem. So, maybe we could chat a little bit, and, you know, get some background for...
Matthew Osceola: I'm not going to talk to you much. It's not personal. It's the Indian way.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Donald Kaufman: [handing Charlie his finished script] So, would you show your agent? It's called "The Three".

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Donald Kaufman: [to Charles] But I think you actually need to speak to this woman. To know her.

Adaptation.
Adaptation.

Charlie Kaufman: One has eyes that contain the sadness of the world