Donald Kaufman: Hey, Charles. I pitched my script to mom.
Charlie Kaufman: Don't say pitch.
Charlie Kaufman: [voice over] Okay, we open with Laroche. He's funny. Okay. He says, "I love to mutate plants". He says "Mutation is fun". Okay, we show flowers and... okay. We have to have the court case. Okay, we show Laroche. Okay, he says "I was mutated as a baby. That's why I'm so smart". That's funny. Okay, we open at the beginning of time. No! Okay, we open with Laroche.
He's driving into a swamp.
John Laroche: Crazy white man!
[Charlie screams]
John Laroche: [viewing an orchid at a flower show] Angraecum sesquipedale! A beauty! God! Darwin wrote about this one. Charles Darwin? Evolution guy? Hello? You see that nectary all the way down there? Darwin hypothesized a moth with a nose twelve inches long to pollinate it. Everyone thought he was a loon! Then, sure enough, they found this moth with a twelve-inch proboscis.
Proboscis means "nose," by the way.
Susan Orlean: I know what "proboscis" means.
John Laroche: Yeah, let's not get off the subject. This isn't a pissing contest!
Matthew Osceola: I can see your sadness. It's lovely.
Susan Orlean: I'm just tired, that's all. That's my problem. So, maybe we could chat a little bit, and, you know, get some background for...
Matthew Osceola: I'm not going to talk to you much. It's not personal. It's the Indian way.