Alex: One thing I could never stand was to see a filthy, dirty old drunkie, howling away at the filthy songs of his fathers and going blurp blurp in between as it might be a filthy old orchestra in his stinking, rotten guts. I could never stand to see anyone like that, whatever his age might be, but more especially when he was real old like this one was.
Frank Alexander: [hears knocking on the door] Who on Earth could that be?
Julian: I'll see who it is.
[goes to the front door]
Julian: Yes, what is it?
Alex: [barely audible] Help... please... help... help.
Julian: [opens the door and Alex collapses at the doorway. He carries
Alex into the house] Frank, I think this young man needs some help.
Frank Alexander: [surprised by Alex's poor condition] My God! What happened to you, my boy?
Alex: [voice-over] And would you believe it, o my brothers and only friends. There was your faithful narrator being held helpless, like a babe in arms, and suddenly realizing where he was and
why home on the gate had looked so familiar, but I knew I was safe. For in those care-free days, I and my so-called droogies wore our maskies, which were like real horror-show disguises.
Alex: [nervous] Police... ghastly horrible police... they beat me up, sir.
[sees Frank has a foul look on his face, apparently not believing him]
Alex: The
police beat me up, sir.
Frank Alexander: [excited] I know you!
[pauses]
Frank Alexander: Isn't it your picture in the newspapers? Didn't I see you on the video this morning? Are you not the poor victim of this horrible new technique?
Alex: [relieved] Yes, sir! That's exactly who I am and what I am, sir. A victim, sir!
Frank Alexander: Then, by God, you've been sent here by providence! Tortured in prison, then thrown out to be tortured by the police. My heart goes out to you, poor, poor boy. Oh, you are not the first to come here in distress. The police are fond of bringing their victims to the outskirts of this village. But it is providential that you, who are also another kind of victim
should come here.
Frank Alexander: [finally remembering Alex's state] Oh, but you're cold and shivering. Julian, draw a bath for this young man.
Julian: Certainly, Frank.
Alex: [as he is being carried off by Julian] Thank you very much, sir. God bless you, sir.
Tramp: In Dublin's fair city / Where the girls are so pretty, / I first set my eyes on sweet Molly Malone. / As she wheel'd her wheel barrow, / Thro' streets broad and narrow, / Crying "cockles and mussels alive alive O!" / "alive, alive O! Alive, alive O! / Crying Cockles and Mussels alive, alive O!" / As everybody's knowing, You've got a decent tongue, / Whene'er it's set
agoing.
Alex: Hi, hi, hi, Mr. Deltoid. Funny surprise, seeing you here.
P.R. Deltoid: Ah, Alex boy! Awake at last, yes? I met your mother on the way to work, yes? She gave me the key. She said something about a pain somewhere, hence not at school, yes?
Alex: A rather intolerable pain in the head, brother sir. I think it should be clear by
this after lunch.
P.R. Deltoid: Mmm. Or certainly by this evening, yes? The evening's the great time, isn't it, Alex boy? Hmm?
Alex: Cup of the old chai, sir?
P.R. Deltoid: No time, no time, yes. Sit, sit, sit!
Alex: To what do I owe this extreme pleasure, sir? Anything wrong, sir?
P.R.
Deltoid: Wrong? Why should you think of anything being wrong? Have you been doing something you shouldn't, yes?
Alex: Just a manner of speech, sir.
P.R. Deltoid: Yes. Well, it's just a manner of speech from your post-corrective advisor to you that you watch out, little Alex, because next time, it's not going to be the corrective school
anymore. Next time, it's going to be the barley place and all my work ruined. If you've no respect for your horrible self, you at least might have some for me, who've sweated over you. A big black mark, I tell you, for every one we don't reclaim. A confession of failure for every one of you who ends up in the stripy hole.
Alex: I've been doing nothing I shouldn't, sir. The
Millicents have nothing on me, brother. Sir, I mean.
P.R. Deltoid: Cut out this clever talk about Millicents. Just because the police haven't picked you up lately doesn't, as you very well know, mean that you've not been up to some nastiness. That was a bit of a nastiness last night, yes? Some very extreme nastiness, yes? A few of a certain Billy Boy's friends were
ambulanced off late, yes. Your name was mentioned. The words got through to me by the usual channels. Certain friends of yours were named also. Oh, nobody can prove anything about anybody, as usual. But I'm warning you, little Alex, being a good friend to you, as always, the one man in this sore and sick community who wants to save you from yourself!
[pause]
P.R.
Deltoid: What gets into all? We studied the problem. We've been studying it for damn well near a century, yes, but we get no further with our studies. You got a good home here. Good, loving parents. You've got not too bad of a brain. Is it some devil that crawls inside of you?
Alex: Nobody's got anything on me, brother sir. I've been out of the rookers of the
Millicents for a long time now.
P.R. Deltoid: That's just what worries me. A bit too long to be safe. You're about due now, by my reckoning. That's why I'm warning you, little Alex, to keep your handsome young proboscis out of the dirt. Do I make myself clear?
Alex: As an unmuddied lake, sir. As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer. You can rely
on me, sir.
Alex: So I waited and, O my brothers, I got a lot better munching away at eggiwegs, and lomticks of toast and lovely steakiwegs and then, one day, they said I was going to have a very special visitor.
[the Minister enters]
Minister: Good evening, my boy.
Prison Chaplain: What's it going to be, eh? Is it going to be in and out of institutions like this? Well, more in and out for most of ya! Or are you going to attend to the Divine Word and realise the punishments that await unrepentant sinners in the next world as well as this? A lot of idiots you are, selling your own birthright for a saucer of cold porridge! The thrill of theft!
Of violence! The urge to live easy! Well, I ask you what is it worth when we have undeniable truth - yes! Incontrovertible evidence that Hell exists! I know! I know my friends! I have been informed in visions that there is a place darker than any prison, hotter than any flame of human fire, where souls of unrepentant criminal sinners like yourselves...!
[an inmate belches, prompting the
rest to laugh]
Prison Chaplain: Don't you laugh, damn you! Don't you laugh! I say like yourselves scream in endless and unendurable agony! Their skin rotting and peeling! A fireball spinning in their screaming guts! I know! Oh yes, I know!
[Another inmate makes a raspberry noise, prompting them to laugh again]
Georgie: [They've just stopped a band of tramps from beating up Alex] What's the trouble, sir?
Alex: [looks up and recognizes them] Oh no!
Dim: Well. Well, well. Well, well, well, well, if it isn't little Alex. Long time no viddy, droog. How goes?
Alex: It's... it's impossible. I don't believe it.
Georgie: Evidence of the old glazzies. Nothing up their sleeves. No magic, little Alex. A job for two, who are now of job age. The police.