Zoolander
Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: What is this? A center for ants? How can we be expected to teach children to learn how to read... if they can't even fit inside the building?
Mugatu: Derek, this is just a small...
Derek Zoolander: I don't wanna hear your excuses! The building has to be at least... three times bigger than this!

Zoolander
Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: Rufus, Brint, and Meekus were like brothers to me. And when I say brother, I don't mean, like, an actual brother, but I mean it like the way black people use it. Which is more meaningful I think.
Derek Zoolander: If there is anything that this horrible tragedy can teach us, it's that a male model's life is a precious, precious commodity.

Just because we have chiseled abs and stunning features, it doesn't mean that we too can't not die in a freak gasoline fight accident.

Zoolander
Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: I'm pretty sure there's a lot more to life than being really, really, ridiculously good looking. And I plan on finding out what that is.

Zoolander
Zoolander

Hansel: I wasn't like every other kid, you know, who dreams about being an astronaut, I was always more interested in what bark was made out of on a tree. Richard Gere's a real hero of mine. Sting. Sting would be another person who's a hero. The music he's created over the years, I don't really listen to it, but the fact that he's making it, I respect that. I care desperately

about what I do. Do I know what product I'm selling? No. Do I know what I'm doing today? No. But I'm here, and I'm gonna give it my best shot.

Zoolander
Zoolander

Matilda: I became...
Hansel: What?
Matilda: Bulimic.
Derek Zoolander: You can read minds?

Zoolander
Zoolander

Mugatu: It's that damn Hansel! He's so hot right now!

Zoolander
Zoolander

J.P. Prewitt: Male models don't think for themselves.
Derek Zoolander: That's not true!
J.P. Prewitt: Yes it is, Derek.
Derek Zoolander: [meekly] Okay.

Zoolander
Zoolander

[after he pokes a girl with a pin]
Mugatu: Oh, I'm sorry, did my pin get in the way of your ass? Do me a favor and lose five pounds immediately or get out of my building like now!

Zoolander
Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: Why do you hate models, Matilda?
Matilda: Honestly?
Hansel: Yes.
Matilda: I think they're vain, stupid, and incredibly self-centered.
Hansel: I totally agree with you. But how do you feel about male models?

Zoolander
Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: But why male models?
J.P. Prewitt: Are you serious? I just told you that a moment ago.

Zoolander
Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: I'm sorry that good-looking people like us made you throw up and feel bad about yourself.

Zoolander
Zoolander

Mugatu: SHUT UP! Enough already, Ballstein! Who cares about Derek Zoolander anyway? The man has only one look, for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills! I invented the piano key necktie, I invented it! What have you done, Derek? You've done nothing! NOTHIIIING! And I will be a monkey's

uncle if I let you ruin this for me, because if you can't get the job done, then I will!
[flings "M" shaped shuriken at the Prime Minister]
Mugatu: Die, you wage-hiking scum!

Zoolander
Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: There was a moment last night, when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesmen, where I thought, "Wow, I could really spend the rest of my life with this woman".

Zoolander
Zoolander

Matilda: When I was in 7th grade, I was... the fat kid in my class.
Derek Zoolander: Ew!

Zoolander
Zoolander

Derek Zoolander: Or are you here to tell me what a bad eugoogoolizer I am?
Matilda: A what?
Derek Zoolander: A eugoogoolizer... one who speaks at funerals.
[Matilda looks at Derek confused]
Derek Zoolander: Or did you think I was too stupid to know what a eugoogooly was?

Zoolander
Zoolander

Hansel: I guess you can dere-lick my balls cap-E-tan.
Derek Zoolander: I can Dere-lick my own balls, thank you very much.

Zoolander
Zoolander

Matilda: I've been trying to reach you for a week.
Derek Zoolander: A week? What, are you having a whack attack? I saw you this afternoon, dum-dum.
Matilda: That was last Friday.
Derek Zoolander: Uhh Earth to Matilda, I was at a day spa. Day, D-A-I-Y-E. Okay?

Zoolander
Zoolander

Hansel: This has been an emotional day for all of us. I think we should get naked.
Matilda: What?
Hansel: Don't ask questions. Just give in to the power of the tea.

Zoolander
Zoolander

[Talking about the files]
Hansel: They're *in* the computer?

Zoolander
Zoolander

Matilda: Derek that was unbelievable!
Derek Zoolander: I know! I turned left!
Matilda: Yeah, that too, but Derek, you saved the prime minister of Malaysia!
Derek Zoolander: Oh, right, cool.