Sir Wilfrid: [getting progressively more agitated] The question is, Frau Helm, were you lying then, are you lying now, or are you not in fact a chronic and habitual LIAR!
Janet Mackensie: Perhaps you can help me, your Lordship. Six months, I have applied for my hearing aid and I am still waiting for it.
Judge: My dear madame. Considering the rubbish that is being talked nowadays, you are missing very little.
Leonard Vole: What are you looking for?
Christine Vole: My accordion.
Leonard Vole: [stepping on it] I think I've found it.
Christine Vole: Step on it again. It's still breathing.
Miss Plimsoll: Wilfrid the Fox! That's what they call him, and that's what he is!
Sir Wilfrid: I am constantly surprised that women's hats do not provoke more murders.
Christine Vole: Damn you. Damn you. Damn you! Damn you!
Sir Wilfrid: Give me a match.
Leonard Vole: Sorry, I don't carry matches.
Sir Wilfrid: [to Brogan-Moore] I thought you said I'd like him.
Leonard Vole: But I do have a lighter.
Sir Wilfrid: You're quite right, I do like him.
Sir Wilfrid: Would you like a cigar? Pardon me.
[Takes cigar out of Mayhew's suit pocket]
Inspector Hearne: That's very kind of you Sir Wilfrid.
Sir Wilfrid: I better not, it would constitute a bribe.
[Places cigar into his own suit pocket]
[last lines]
Miss Plimsoll: [hands Sir Wilfrid his thermos bottle] Sir Wilfrid, you've forgotten your brandy!
Leonard Vole: But this is England, where I thought you never arrest, let alone convict, people for crimes they have not committed.
Sir Wilfrid: We try not to make a habit of it.
Mayhew: She and her husband had lived abroad for many years in British Nigeria. He was in the colonial service. He died in '45 of a heart attack.
Sir Wilfrid: Oh, please, Mayhew, not while I'm smoking.
Cockney Woman: I'll give ya somethin' to dream about, Mister. Wanna kiss me, ducky?
Brogan-Moore: Touching isn't it? The way he counts on his wife.
Sir Wilfrid: Yes, like a drowning man clutching at a razor blade.
Sir Wilfrid: My Lord, may I also remind my learned friend that his witness, by her own admission, has already violated so many oaths that I am surprised the Testament did not LEAP FROM HER HAND when she was sworn here today! I doubt if anything is to be gained by questioning you any further! That will be all, Frau Helm!
Miss Plimsoll: Is there too much of a draft? Should I roll up the window?
Sir Wilfrid: Just roll up your mouth, you talk too much. If I had known how much you talk I'd never have come out of my coma.
Sir Wilfrid: Kings, prime ministers, archbishops, even barristers have stood in the dock.
[Miss Plimsoll discovers cigars hidden in Sir Wilfrid's cane]
Sir Wilfrid: You could be jailed for that. You had no search warrant for my cane!
Sir Wilfrid: We've disposed of the gallows, but there's still that banana peel somewhere.
