Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory Quotes

Willy Wonka: There's no earthly way of knowing/Which direction they are going... There's no knowing where they're rowing...
Mr. Salt: [weakly echoing] Rowing...
Willy Wonka: Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?
[sharp gasp]
Willy Wonka: Not a speck

of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/
[practically screaming]
Willy Wonka: And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!
[lets out a high-pitched, almost unearthly scream]

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka?
Willy Wonka: [pointedly ignoring him and Charlie] I am extraordinarily busy, sir.
Grandpa Joe: [tentatively] I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The-the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. Wh-When does he get it?
Willy Wonka: He doesn't.
Grandpa Joe:

Why not?
Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules.
Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?
[Charlie shakes his head briefly]
Willy Wonka: [springs up from his chair, angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become

null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:
[grabs a magnifying glass and reads]
Willy Wonka: I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!
[slams the contract

copy and the magnifying glass down, continues shouting]
Willy Wonka: It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!
[turns back to his work]
Grandpa Joe: [shocked] You're a crook. You're a

cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!
[angrily]
Grandpa Joe: How could you do something like this, build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!
Willy Wonka: [shouts even louder] I said good day!
Grandpa Joe: Come on, Charlie, let's get out of here. I'll get even

with him if it's the last thing I'll ever do. If Slugworth wants a Gobstopper, he'll get one.

Willy Wonka: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?
Charlie: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!
Willy Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.
Grandpa Joe: [sounding shocked] You're giving Charlie the...?
Willy Wonka: I

can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.

Charlie: So that's why you sent out the golden tickets!
Willy Wonka: That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.
Grandpa Joe: And me?
Willy Wonka: Absolutely.
Charlie: But what happens to the rest...?
Willy Wonka: The whole

family. I want you to bring them all.
[Willy and Charlie hug]

Computer Operator: Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been during these last few days. But now I think I can safely say that your time and money have been well-spent. We're about to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age. Based on the revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this machine will tell us the precise location of the 3 remaining golden tickets.

[he pushes buttons on the machine; the machine prints out a response]
Computer Operator: It says: "I won't tell. That would be cheating."
[he pushes the buttons on the machine again]
Computer Operator: I am now telling the computer that if it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with it the grand prize.
[the machine

prints out another response]
Computer Operator: He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?"
[he sighs, then pushes the buttons once again]
Computer Operator: I am now telling the computer exactly what he can do with the lifetime supply of chocolate.