Twins Quotes

Vincent Benedict: [points to a device in the lab] This must, uh, be where you made the milkshake.
Mitchell Traven: We weren't making milkshakes. We were making the most fully developed human the world has ever seen.
Vincent Benedict: But instead of just one perfect kid, Mom had the two of us.
[smiling]
Vincent

Benedict: Way to go, Mom.
Mitchell Traven: Wrong. The embryo did split in two, but it didn't split equally. All the purity and strength went into Julius. All the crap that was left over went into what you see in the mirror every morning.
Vincent Benedict: Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're telling me that I'm the crap?
Julius

Benedict: No, this is not true, Vincent.
Vincent Benedict: Wait a minute, Julius. I wanna hear this.
[to Traven]
Vincent Benedict: You're telling me that I am the left over crap? That I'm no good?
Julius Benedict: He's *wrong*.
Mitchell Traven: [points at Vincent] Look at him.

Vincent Benedict: Are you saying that... I'm a side effect?
Mitchell Traven: You haven't got the brain power to understand this, and I haven't got the time. Show's over.
[He starts to walk out, leaving Vincent stunned and heartbroken. Julius seizes him by the coat]
Julius Benedict: Hey! Dickhead... tell us where our mother is.

Mitchell Traven: Ah... Whispering Pines. It's an artists' colony 200 miles north of Santa Fe.
Julius Benedict: If you're lying to me...
[Traven holds up his hands and shakes his head]
Julius Benedict: I'll be back.

Julius Benedict: Wait a minute. You forgot the third rule in a crisis situation.
Webster: What third rule?
Vincent Benedict: Third rule?
Julius Benedict: Yeah, third rule.
Vincent Benedict: [notices the crane above Webster] Oooh! The third rule.
Webster: What's

the third rule?
Julius Benedict, Vincent Benedict: Duck!
[Vincent hits the crane switch which drops a pile of chains on Webster burying him]
Vincent Benedict: Yo! Holy shmoly! Now there's a man with a lot on his mind.

Julius Benedict: [to Klane] Now the first rule in the crisis situation, you negotiate first and you attack last.
Vincent Benedict: You negotiate *first* and then you attack?
Julius Benedict: You never negotiated.
Vincent Benedict: [to Klane] Ah hah!
Julius Benedict: You don't know what

kind of an enemy I am.
Morris Klane: Who are you?
Julius Benedict: Vincent's brother.
Vincent Benedict: [happily] We're twins.
Julius Benedict: That's right.
Morris Klane: [smashes a glass case and grabs a fire axe] You're firewood.

Vincent Benedict: [impressed with Julius's fighting abilities] You could be a boxer or something. I could be your manager.
Julius Benedict: No, I could never fight for money.
Vincent Benedict: Well that's fine. You fight, I'll keep the money.
Julius Benedict: Actually, I hate violence.
Vincent

Benedict: But you're so good at it!

Julius Benedict: You moved too soon.
Burt Klane: [confused] What?
Julius Benedict: The second rule in the crisis situation.
Morris Klane: Uh oh, he's starting that funny talk again.
Julius Benedict: If you choose to bluff, you must be prepared to have your bluff called.

Burt Klane: This is no bluff.

Julius Benedict: Axe, axe, axe, axe, axe!
Morris Klane: [swings the axe at Julius]
Julius Benedict: You have no respect for logic.
Vincent Benedict: But he's got an axe!
Morris Klane: [Klane charges Julius, who sidesteps his blow. The axe is imbedded in the wall. As Julius grabs him]

Julius Benedict: And I have no respect for those who have no respect for logic.
[picks Klane up with both hands and lifts him a foot up in the air]
Julius Benedict: You're a very stupid person.
[throws him into an open elevator]
Vincent Benedict: [to Klane as the elevator is about to close] You tell your brother,

he messes with ME, he messes with my whole family!

Beetroot McKinley: [answers the phone] Beetroot McKinley talking. Who is this?
Vincent Benedict: Uh... Webster - calling from California. I happen to have something, uh, some merchandise, that you, uh, that you might want.
Beetroot McKinley: Well, bring it to me, son. Let me enrich you.
Vincent Benedict: Well,

uh, Mr. Beetroot, it's the amount of enrichment that I wanted to talk about.
Beetroot McKinley: Don't try and renegotiate with old Beetroot, son.
Vincent Benedict: Look, Beetroot, if we can't renegotiate, we wither and die. Look, there's no way Mr. Beetroot, that I am gonna deliver any damn Cadillac, unless I know for sure that I have... TWENTY for

my cut.
Beetroot McKinley: Twenty? You little shit-for-brains peckerwood! You're out of your goddamn crazy diseased greedy mind!
Vincent Benedict: Well, I guess that seems a little high for you.
Beetroot McKinley: YEAH.
Vincent Benedict: Well, I'm a reasonable man, uh, how 'bout fifteen?

Beetroot McKinley: The deal is FIVE!
Vincent Benedict: FIVE? I can do better than five here.
Beetroot McKinley: If you can do better than five million dollars, then, son, you take it.
Vincent Benedict: [starts to have trouble breathing]
Vincent Benedict: [having trouble talking]

Beetroot, I'll see you in Houston. After all, fair is fair. I'll just have to find it in my heart to live with your offer.
Beetroot McKinley: Well, good.
Vincent Benedict: [they both hang up] Five MILLION! Five MILLION dollars! Five MILLION dollars!

Vincent Benedict: Women love men who are mysterious and devious. It keeps them on their toes. It excites them. You know what I mean?
Julius Benedict: No.
Vincent Benedict: You do like women?
Julius Benedict: Oh, very much so. They're strange and sensitive. They have compassion. I have the highest respect for

women.
Vincent Benedict: [turns around] You're a virgin!
Julius Benedict: That's private.
Vincent Benedict: [to himself] A 230-pound virgin.

Julius Benedict: Why are you being so immature about all this?
Vincent Benedict: Look, Julius. Do you know how many times I've heard stories like this? It's every orphan's fantasy. My real mom and dad were rich, and beautiful. But... there was a mix-up at the hospital. And I got switched with another baby. But one day, there's gonna be a knock at the door.

And there they'll be, with open arms, crying, "My darling. My treasure. We didn't know. How can we make it up to you?" Let me tell you something for your own good Julius. It a CROCK!

[Vince hides as Burt comes into the restaurant]
Linda Mason: Hi!
Burt Klane: Hi.
Linda Mason: Can I help you?
Burt Klane: Uh, yeah... where's the little shit?
Linda Mason: Uh, you'll have to be more specific.
Burt Klane: Benedict.
Linda

Mason: Oh, he wouldn't come in here! Isn't that right, Marnie?
Marnie Mason: Who, Vincent?
[wipes down a table, dumping scraps on Vincent's head]
Marnie Mason: That weasel? That creep? I wouldn't serve him if he crawled in here on his hands and knees.
[Vincent scrambles out on his hands and knees]