Roy O'Bannon: Ooooh... who's the pretty lady?
Chon Wang: That's my wife!
Roy O'Bannon: How long you been in this country?
Chon Wang: Four days.
Roy O'Bannon: Nice work.
[Reading a reward poster]
Roy O'Bannon: The Shanghai Kid. This is terrible!
Chon Wang: I know. I'm not from Shanghai.
Medicine Man: Don't worry, it could be worse - he could be a white guy.
Marshal Nathan Van Cleef: Mighty impressive hardware you packin' there...
Roy O'Bannon: Why don't you get your eyes of my package, you twisted son of a bitch!
Chon Wang: See! I told you so!
Roy O'Bannon: No, you said "wet shirt don't break," not "piss shirt bend bar"!
Roy O'Bannon: I *am* like a wild horse. You can't tame me. You put the oats in the pen, though, and I'll come in for a nibble every day. But the minute you shut that gate, I'll jump the fence and you'll never see me again.
Roy O'Bannon: [to Chon] If people start looking at you funny then just say, "Howdy, partner."
Chon Wang: ...Howdy... partner?
Roy O'Bannon: Say it a little faster than that or people'll think you're slow in the head.
[in his head, trying to psych himself up before a duel]
Roy O'Bannon: C'mon Roy, you can do it! Ah, no you can't, he's gonna kill ya.
Roy O'Bannon: I don't know karate, but I know kar-azy, and I will use it!
Roy O'Bannon: Yes, John, I've heard all about the Emperor. Must be one hell of a man.
Chon Wang: He's only twelve.
Roy O'Bannon: Are you kidding me? You're sitting here, waiting to die for someone whose balls haven't even dropped?
Roy O'Bannon: I am invincible...
Chon Wang: Let me out! Give me the book back! I have to go to Carson City to rescue the Princess! You've got the wrong person, I don't belong here!
[yells in Chinese]
Roy O'Bannon: [sarcastically] Keep going with the Chinese, I think that's working. I think they're just about to let you out.
Marshal Nathan Van Cleef: How about that? It's a Mexican standoff. Only we ain't got no Mexicans.
Princess Pei Pei: Father, is this my husband-to-be? He's a toad. If the Emperor is so fond of him, why doesn't he marry him?
Chon Wang: I got an idea: why don't I pretend I'm sick, and then you can attack the guard when they come in?
Roy O'Bannon: Oh, you mean the sick prisoner routine? Does that still work in China? 'Cause here it's sorta been done to death.
Medicine Man: [on Peace Pipe] This is some pretty powerful shit.
Roy O'Bannon: I feel like there's this gap between us. It's like I'm a cowboy, you're an Indian. You say wampum, I say money. It is so important, I just think that...
Falling Leaves: [kisses Roy] Shut up, Roy. You talk too much.
Roy O'Bannon: First time you ever see an outlaw?
[Pretty victim nods]
Roy O'Bannon: Scared? Kind of excited, too? All mixed up? Yeah. Last train we robbed we were naked it was so hot out.
